Far From Your Thoughts (To Be Edited)

Chapter 18

"Did you think this time was ever going to come?because I didn't. In all these years I've tried to forget about them and just focus on my family, that's you, Eric and Jamie. Talk me out of this please" I said to Sandy looking at my parents' house, we had been sitting in the car at their gate for more than 30 minutes and I still felt not ready to get in.
I was due to work in a week and a half and I was also supposed to meet Sandy's family in two days, procrastinating meeting the people I used to call mom and dad was out of question. Thankfully, Jamie was still sound asleep at the at the back unaware of our surroundings.
"It's all up to you, I can turn around and go back home now if that's what you want but I think it's best you meet them and get over it today. You need to move on, say whatever you want to say to them so when we get out of their house today you'll be a free woman" she said rubbing my back trying to make me feel better.

"You're right, I need to do this for myself and Jamie because soon she will be asking questions, let's get it over with" finally making a decision, I opened the car door waking Jamie up
"That's my girl, do you need me there or should I stay behind with Jamie?" Sandy said following me behind
"I need you two there, you're both my strength" I told her knocking on my mother door. No one was coming so I knocked the second time. All this delay was now pissing me off and regretting coming.
"You think they are out?" Sandy said my thoughts out loud.
"They wouldn't leave the gate open from what I remember, if they are not here I don't think I will ever return here again" I said knocking the forth time but they still wasn't any reply "oh well I tried, let's go" immediately after I said that the door opened revealing my breathless mother looking paler than I remember. She has grown old so fast and happiness doesn't seem to be present on her face.
Double checking on Jamie and I she seemed out of words and glued to the door.
"Is this really you or am I hallucinating, tell me I haven't gone crazy please" she said trying to reach to me but I stepped back.
"What's crazier than chasing your 17 year old pregnant daughter out mother? I wouldn't be surprised" I said sarcastically and it got her to step back, shame and regret evident on her face.
"I failed you in every way possible but from the looks of it and from what your father said, You succeeded against all odds, come inside please Char, let's talk. Hear me out even if it's just for 5 minutes" she begged me stepping out of the door way, nudging me to come inside
I looked at Sandy who had long taken Jamie from me, I saw her nodding and proceeded to take my hand in hers while we were walking inside my mom's house. Nothing had changed much, still the old brown couches, 32" LED TV and the same big room divider that's out dated. Besides all that, my mom has always been a clean person, that you can't take away from her. The wonderful fresh roses smell that always clouded her house, the neatly arranged dvds and well arranged cushions were the evidence of that.
As we sat on the couches, no one said anything, the only sound that could be heard was that from the TV.
My mother clears her throat to get our attention.
"I have imagined this since you left, I regretted being the good housewife, following your father's orders. Nothing I can say now can make up for what I can imagine you went through and I..." Not wanting her to go feather, I cut her off angry
"No, you can never EVER imagine what I went through, never!!! So don't sit there trying to blame dad or being a good housewife when you never regarded me as your daughter at the first place, I came here because I want to be free from all these emotions, because my friends wanted me to. I feel ashamed to be your daughter! My own father came to the bank asking for a loan and when he 'surprisingly' saw me there he asked me if I slept with the manager to get the job! WOW such parents you both are!" I said laughing humorously with tears running down my face. Jamie was now hugging me sadly. "This is the result of the pregnancy, she is everything that I ever imagined and I met amazing people who took me in when you couldn't. My friend and sister, Sandy. You don't deserve to hear my story because from now you're just people who gave birth to, I don't want my daughter to grow around such poison. I want to be the mother to Jamie that you were never be to me" I was no longer crying, this time I was vowing to be the best mother to my daughter and other children I will have if God blesses me.
"I deserve that and everything, I'm really sorry I didn't stand up to your father, where I come from the husband is always right. When I finally found my voice you were already gone. I tried finding you, I swear I tried but your friends said you skipped town. I even went to all hospitals and police stations but to no vain. All this while we were in the same city , I was happy when your father said he saw you but that's all he said. You've done very well for yourself, I knew you were always a smart girl, you're better than me in every way and I can see it through your daughter. She is so pretty and so healthy. We're no longer together Char, me and your father divorced two years after I couldn't find you. I should have fought for you as a mother, I'm sorry" she said kneeling in front of me.
"Oh so you're divorced? What are 'people' saying since you were always worried about that" I asked still shocked about the revelation of their divorced, they were so in sync with every bad thing they did to me, what changed?.
"I was obsessed with your father, I wasn't the prettiest or the smartest academically so I thought if I ever go against him and he leaves me I'd be doomed for life, he saw through me and took advantage of that, I take full blame for that" she said sitting on the floor now.At that very moment I felt bad for my mother, as much as I hated to admit it, she was also a victim but that doesn't mean I was ready to forgive her.
"This is all too much, there are a lot of things going through my head right now and I need space. I'm glad you finally let him go but you were a bad mother to me,  you never took time to ask how I was or to show me a little bit of love" I exclaimed defeatedly
"I know my child, I know. Forgive me please" she said
"I don't know but I will let you know, Sandy let's go" I said
"Okay Charlotte, I will wait on you for forever, I love you" She said
That was the first time my mother ever said she loved me, to say I was shocked would be an understatement. I stopped on my steps and stared at her surprised, she just sadly smiled and I just turned and walked to Sandy's car without saying anything

*short and not edited, sorry I'm just so busy and it's been so long since I updated a chapter*
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