This chapter's inspired by For The First Time by The Script. ;)
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They're silently seating at the couch, facing each other, it was an hour after Den went home.
"How are you?" Den asked Ly.
"Just got okay," Ly answered, "it was hell without you," Ly said and Den can see through Ly's face yung pain.
"I'm sorry," Den said, "di ko na alam how to face things that time so I asked for space, we're both hurt and exhausted, Ly."
"Alam ko," sagot ni Ly, she sighed deeply, "Den, for once and for all, can we talk?" Ly bravely asked, tumingin si Den sa kanya, Den closed her eyes for a moment, and she nodded.
"We need to talk," Den said.
"Gusto kong malaman lahat, Den, I want to know what's going on inside your head, I want to know what makes you feel na I have feelings for Kiefer, I want to know your issues, lahat, Den, lahat."
"I want to say sorry sa lahat ng maririnig mo," unang sabi ni Den, she sighed and started talking, "I don't know when or how it all started, maybe that one time when you wasn't able to go home, roughly a year ago, before pa kayo mag-ibang bansa ni Kiefer. You were with him the whole day and night dahil malapit nang mag-open yung another branch ng Ally's. You called me na hindi ka makakauwi and trust me, habang magkausap tayo, naintidihan ko kung bakit, but when the call ended, images of you and Kiefer na magkasama all night, it scared me. Cause we both know Ly, na sa mata ng karamihan, you're a couple. And that factor fucking scared me a lot. What if dumating yung point na you will fall in love with him kasi with him, you can act sweet and caring in public, kasi you're a normal couple, what if you realized na what we have is not worth it anymore and you suddenly want someone you can tell everybody na he's yours. Yung walang restrictions, yung walang bawal, yung walang hindi pwede, yung tanggap ng lahat. That night, I forced myself to sleep and tell myself na hindi, kasi alam kong mahal mo ko eh, alam kong kahit anong mangyari, kahit gano kahirap yung sitwasyon nating dalawa, I believe that what we have will always be worth it to fight for and to keep. I have faith in you, I even got angry to myself kasi bakit kita pinag-iisipan ng ganon. So I decided to not mind it, I tried my hardest to don't mind everything about you and Kiefer. But everything just got worse, you had to leave for Paris, and sumunod siya sayo, you didn't know because I told Ella to keep this as a secret, pero sumunod ako sayo, Ly, that time I don't fucking care if malaman man ng lahat kung anong meron sa'tin, I just wanted to be with you, but then, I saw you with him, and that smile on your face? Parehong-pareho nang binibigay mong mga ngiti sa'kin, and again, my fears resurfaced again, you looked so in love with him, Ly, you looked like a real couple," natahimik saglit si Den, she's looking at Ly na halatang nagulat sa sinabi niya, "I had to act that nothing happened, of course, I needed to, kasi, sa totoo lang, nasa akin naman talaga yung problema. It's my problem with me and my fucking fears, fear of losing you, takot na baka hindi mo na ko mahal. And since then, when you're telling me you love me, there's always a little doubt, do you really love me or you're just used na I'm around you. Magkasama na tayo since 2010, when you entered Ateneo, magkasama tayo sa Ateneo for 5 years, 24/7, and that got me thinking na baka masyado ka na lang comfortable sakin kaya namimistaken mo na love pa rin. It sounds absurd but yeah, that kind of thing happens. Pero, again, for the nth time, I told myself na hindi, na mahal mo ko, na ang gaga gaga ko for thinking na magagawa mo sa'kin yun. So sabi ko sa sarili ko na if I want to keep this relationship working, I need to trust you. Just when I thought I'm doing good, fuck, everything went on a roller coaster again, lagi kayong magkasama, Kiefer didn't help at all for posting pictures of you and him, those nights na I had to sleep alone kasi you're in his house, yung PDA niyo sa IG at Twitter, it's too much, Ly, it's too much for me to handle. No matter how I want to tell everyone na you're mine, I can't kasi hindi pwede eh. Hindi pwede. So, I found escape in LA. Somehow, being with him made me forget all of my thoughts. I know maraming beses nating napag-awayan yon pero I'm sorry, kasi I wanted you to feel what I always feel pag magkasama kayo," confess ni Den, they both wanted this, kahit gano pa kasakit at kabigat, they need to let everything go, "then, January this year, you went to Thailand. LDR. Pero sa totoo lang, I was happy, kasi si Kiefer nasa Texas, he's far from you, walang ibang nangdidstract sayo, yung focus mo nasa akin lang, finally, magiging tulad na rin tayo ng dati, when we were still in Ateneo, but that good times only lasted short, when he went to you in Thailand. That was a hard blow, Ly, kasi, again, he can do that to you samantalang ako, hindi. Oh fuck my jealousy, I hate it so much.... and that video? When you saw him na dumating, it felt like you were waiting for him all your life, you were waiting for him to come, you were waiting for him and not for me. I cried myself to sleep that night asking myself if you still love me," Den sighed, "and yung scandal niya, when you guys still not split up, pumasok sa isip ko na baka you don't want to break up with him din," Den confessed, she saw how hurt Ly is, "I'm sorry," she apologized, "and then, that kiss. I don't know why you did that, or maybe I do, kasi all I think of as a reason is you kissed him because you love him, hindi lang for publicity. That was the turning point, Ly, lahat ng pigil at pagtatago ko ng issues ko, kumawala and I can't hold them back to myself, I just... exploded. Sobrang gulo ng utak ko. Being near with you that time is a lot harder, kasi mas lumalala lang yung takot ko. So I asked for space, to think things through...." pagtatapos ni Den sa pag-e-explain.
They both fell silent. Den, afraid of what Ly will feel, but at the same time, magaan na rin yung loob niya kasi nasabi na niya lahat kay Alyssa. Everything she's been feeling and hiding for over a year has been spilled out.
"I'm sorry, Den," sabi ni Ly, "but I'm hurt, you should've told me nung una pa lang... hindi yung mas lumalim lang yung takot mo and there I was, thinking everything was okay between us when the truth is, hindi naman pala kasi you're feeling that way.... alam ko namang what we have is never easy, lalo na na pareho tayong may boyfriend, I'm sorry for all the times na I made you feel na hindi kita priority, I admit na there were a lot of times na nawalan ako ng time sayo, pero sana napansin mo rin yung mga panahon na bumawi ako sayo, I know my faults, Den, and I did everything to make up for all of my shortcomings, kasi mahal kita and I don't want you to feel na you don't deserve any of time kasi sa totoo lang, I would give you all of my time if I can kasi no one deserves it more than you, I wouldn't want to give to anyone kasi I want to give it all to you, pero we both know na hindi ganoon Den, there's still a world outside of our own little world. I must admit I'm hurt from what you said kasi that meant you don't trust me enough, but I can't blame you kasi I understand, Den, I understand na ganon yung naramdaman mo, if I were in your shoes, I would feel the same too.... kasi lahat ng kinwento mo sakin, kung sa akin nangyari yun, na you and LA was me and Kiefer, I would go crazy, too. And I'm sorry, Den, if you had to feel all of those, I wished natulungan kita para sana hindi na tayo umabot sa ganito, but I think this is a blessing in disguise cause at least, you finally opened up. And for the record Den, just to clarify, I never loved anyone aside you. Kahit madalas kaming magkasama ni Kiefer, you are on my mind and you never left it. Oh how I wish na sana ikaw na lang yung kasama ko instead of him. Babe," Ly said, holding Den's hand, "I love you so much, if I have to say it everytime to assure you na ikaw lang mahal ko, I will, I will help you to get rid of those doubts and fears, I'm here, babe, I'm with you, always. And you have my heart," Ly said to Den while smiling. There's a tear that escaped from Den's eyes, "don't cry-" hindi na natuloy ni Ly yung sasabihin niya when Den hugged her.
"I'm sorry, babe, I'm really really sorry," Den said.
"Ssshh, I understand, I know how powerful our mind is, trust me," Ly said.
"Geek," Den replied, "oh God, I love you so much, I'm so sorry for being a brat."
"Oh, I love you so much more, brat," sagot naman ni Ly, "but promise me na if you're feeling the same thing again, be honest to me and tell me, okay? I don't want us to go through the same mistakes, if we will be hurt, it's better to hurt together, to face pain together. I love you so much, Den, nothing and no one will ever take me away from you, and please know that true love will never change, and that means na my love for you will never change, maybe it is, but I believe na mas mamahalin kita. This is how I feel for you, Den," Den broke the hug and looked at Alyssa na nakangiti sa kanya, they both look okay now, kanina kasi para silang zombie pareho.
"You look so cute," sagot ni Den, "and yes, mas magiging open na ko sayo, I will tell you all the things na you need to know, but, do the same to me, okay?"
"I will," sagot naman ni Ly. Den smiled at her.
"I'm glad we're okay now," bulong ni Ly, "I don't know how to function right without you, I felt I lost my other half," nahihiyang sabi ni Ly.
"I will never leave you again, I won't make the same mistake, babe."
And that night, they both learned how communication is very important in relationships. At nalaman nilang babalik at babalik pa rin sila sa isa't-isa, kahit gano pa kasakit, kahit gano pa kahirap, cause you don't give up on someone you love.
Oh these times are hard
Yeah they're making us crazy
Don't give up on me baby
