Den's POV:
"Ate, why is Ate Alyssa not coming here na?" tanong sakin ni Mosh na kinagulat ko naman.
"Why Mosh? You miss her?"
"Yep, I want to play chess with her."
"But you always do when she was here."
"She's really good at playing chess Ate e, I'm learning from her, haha!"
"You really like her noh?"
"Yep. Parang big sister ko na din kasi sya like you," sabi ni Mosh and nag-nod na lang ako.
Since that kiss, ako na mismo umiwas kay Ly. And hell, hindi ako tinitigilan ni Ella kakatanong, yung mga teammates ko, isang masamang tingin ko lang tumigil na, pero ibahin nyo si Ella.
"Kailan po siya ulit pupunta?" tanong ni Mosh.
"Hmm.. let me ask her muna if kailan sya pwede Moshy ha, medyo busy rin kasi si Ate Ly mo," pagsisinungaling ko.
"Okay Ate."
"Den, Mosh?"
"Oh Dad?" sabi ko.
"Mag-ayos na kayo sabi ng Mommy nyo, it's 2 hours to go before Noche Buena.
"Okay Dad, Mosh, let's go upstairs na."
I went to my room and nahiga muna ko. Nakakatamad pang mag-ayos. It's 2 hours away from Christmas. Dati, when I was a kid, I remember wanting toys for Christmas. But now, the only thing that I want for Christmas is her.
I let out a deep sigh. Hindi na kami nag-usap ni Ly since that night, she made every effort para kausapin ako, pero ako na mismo yung nagmatigas at lumayo sa kanya. Until one day, she stopped, and treated me the way I treat her.
And damn it, it fucking hurts. Pero I can't do anything. Pumasok na rin sa isip kong umamin sa kanya, pero naisip ko, once na umamin ba ko sa kanya, it will change the fact na hindi ako matatanngap ng parents ko?
Pag umamin ba ko sa kanya, magiging okay lang ang lahat? Pag umamin ba ko sa kanya, mahal nya din ako?
Oh fuck. Fuck these doubts. I hate myself for not having the courage. Damn it.
After ko maligo at mag-ayos ng sarili, bumaba na ko to help kila Mommy.
"Mom, need help?" tanong ko sa kanya.
"No, kaya na namin 'to, oo nga pala, may package na dumating for you, nasa living room. It's from Alyssa."
"From who po?" tanong ko ulit, kasi kinakabahan na ko.
"Kay Alyssa sabi ko. Oo nga pala, why isn't she coming here na?"
"Busy po," sabi ko na lang, "I'll go to the living roo, lang po."
"Okay."
Habang papunta ako sa living room namin, yung tibok ng puso ko hindi ko na mawari, damn damn damn. Ano kaya yung pinadala nya? Sht. I found a box. Hindi sya ganong kalaki.
"Den?" napatingin naman ako kay Dad.
"Yes po?"
"Nakita mo na pala yan, mamaya mo na lang buksan, tara na sa dining room."
"Oh okay po. Dadalhin ko lang po sa kwarto ko," I went up at nilagay ko sa bed yung box. Tas bumaba na rin ako.
It's 10 minutes left before Christmas.
"I hope you're enjoying this night Ly, Merry Christmas," I whispered. I just wish I really can say it to her.
***
