Calmly || Be More Chill

Michael In The Bathroom

Jeremy just called me a loser. And it was true, of course, but I didn't like when he said it. I was supposed to be his favorite person. That freaking computer changed him.

Tears rushed through my eyes, causing my face to grow wet. I took off my glasses, slowly, trying to get used to seeing without them since I couldn't put them on anytime soon. Crying with glasses is completely pointless when you know you aren't going to stop.

The music pounded through the door, thumping against me as I leaned up against the slab of wood. At least the voices outside could not be heard over the muffled music. At least the voices outside weren't pestering me like the ones that were in my head.

An embarrassing sob erupted from my mouth as I clamped my hand over it, trying to keep quiet. But it wouldn't really make a difference.

Everyone thinks you're horrible.

I know.

The one person on your side turned against you.

I know.

The only welcoming thing for you is death.

No.

I've succumbed to drugs, to hiding in my basement playing video games, to self hatred. But things had to get better. They should. If I stick around long enough, I'll be able to go to college. Yale already accepted me. People like me were bound to be cool in college. One more year of high school was all I had to suffer.

Although, I'd have to suffer without Jeremy.

My cries died down as I tried to control my breathing, not in the mood for a panic attack at a party. In the bathroom. Alone.

Only Jeremy could calm you down through your panic attacks. Where is he now?

The time passed painstakingly slow, a few minutes ago I had heard a girl sing along to Whitney through the door.

The thought only saddened me further as I realized I couldn't make fun of drunk girls anymore with the proper acquaintance.

Consistent knocks sounded on the door as I scrambled up and away. Hiding in the bath tub before I realized the door was locked.

Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock.

I stared at the door keenly, weighing my options. Opening the door could get me one step closer to going back home. I could cry my heart out there, considering mom and dad were out on a business trip.

Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock.

I swung my legs over the side of the bath tub, standing up. Going home sounded like a splendid idea.

Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock.

I stopped in my tracks. Jeremy would be out there, pretending like I don't exist. And if I confront him, he'll destroy me. Or, more so, his Squip.

Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock.

I stayed silent.

Clang. Clang. Clang. Clang.

I had frozen up, my face was still wet. My eyes were still red and puffy. Thinking of a solution quickly, I ran over to the sink, hearing the person insistent on getting inside grow impatient.

BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG.

Every bang sent a chill through my body. I was shaking so bad. I wanted to leave so bad. And this person was giving me a reason, but moving felt extremely difficult.

My shaking hands made its way to the faucet. Turning the nob, I felt the warm water run over my palms and through my fingers. I felt courage well up in me as I splashed water on my face. Blaming my puffy red eyes on drugs, would do the trick if anyone were to ask.

Catching a breath, I went to open the door, but the noise had stopped. The stubborn person on the other side had given up.

Everyone gives up on you so quickly, Michael. How does that make you feel?

Angry.

I felt like heated flames engulfed my body as I was filled with complete and utter rage. Totally contradicting my whole geeky, stoner, glasses look. But it felt good to have a motive, to want to do something that didn't concern Jeremy. Then again, this whole thing spouted from Jeremy, so I really hadn't accomplished anything.

On my way out, Jeremy stepped in front of me.

"Get out of my way, Jeremy," I spat. Making my way around the boy, some jocks that circled around us pushed me back. I stumbled a bit before rolling my eyes and chuckling bitterly.

Jeremy smirked evilly, a look that I wasn't familiar with on him. We stayed like this for a couple of seconds, me glaring and him smirking as if he was the best. He was in my mind, though. Suddenly, he gasped, people around him quieting down to hear what my former friend had to say. "Michael, have you been c-c-c-crying?"

He stuttered mockingly, causing the kids behind him to cackle and fist bump. My hatred for the Squip grew as I realized how much my best friend had changed. I could never hate Jeremy, though, I loved him too much.

"Piss off, Squip," I grumbled. Effectively making my way out of the door, I smiled a small smile at the thought that maybe I could save Jeremy.

Maybe.