Heretic of El Amarna

Chapter 3: Nefertiti

When I reached my rooms, I sat down on my hard wooden bed. I might have thrown myself upon it, but I knew that if I did, I would regret it. I felt a tear trickle down my cheek, but I wiped it away with fury. I should not have been crying about some silly confinement.

No, I corrected myself. I am not crying over the confinement. I am crying because Amenhotep is probably extremely irritated with me right now. I only wanted to help, but I only made it worse for him.

Once, I had stood up for his brother, Thutmose, in a similar way the first time I had met him when his mother was tirading him for something he had not done.

She had threatened to confine him to his rooms, and I had stepped in.

At first, I had felt pity for Thutmose; I had liked him on sight. I had believed that marrying him would not be so bad if he was as kind as he was good-looking. However, that feeling evaporated when Thutmose turned on me after his mother left.

I still remember the cold look in his arrogant black eyes; facing him like that, I was truly afraid of someone for the first time. He had asked me what I thought I was doing getting in between him and his mother. He really believed he could handle her on his own.

I had not believed my ears because anyone could see that he would not have managed on his own. I had thought I was helping him. It was the last time I had ever stood up against Queen Tiye for him. He was hardly worth it.

The deed had been forgiven, and he showed me nothing but kindness and love now, but underneath his kindness, I could still tell that he was not truly fond of me. I could see his distant disdain for me in his eyes.

I could not care less if I made Thutmose angry. Perhaps he and Queen Tiye would give up on me, and I would be free to marry whom I will. However, I doubted that that would be the result of any of this. The only thing I gained from irritating Thutmose would be that he would make my life miserable before and after we were married. I should have be wiser about annoying him, but somehow, I could not bear to settle down and do as he willed. Sometimes, I had been so mad at him, that I wanted to take his cat and drown it just to spite him because he cared about his cat more than anything except his power.

If Amenhotep or his father asked me – or told me, depending on the day – to stop my wild excursions, I would obey. I had to obey the Pharaoh, but I would have done it even if I did not have to because he had always been kind to me, and I would obey Amenhotep because I truly did love him.

Wiping my streaming eyes, I went to the piece of glass - which served as my mirror - on the table and adjusted my kohl.

A few moments later, Amenhotep came in. My heart lurched when I saw him. I lowered my eyes. Not only had I caused more trouble for him, but he also knew the truth now. I doubt I hid my true feelings about him well. I was certain he knew.

“Nefertiti?” His voice was as warm as ever, but it seemed to waver. “I want you to answer my questions honestly.”

I nodded to show I understood and watched as he sat down on my wooden bed and buried his head in his hands. He looked dejected and fearful for some reason. Had I caused this?

I sat next to him and, noticing that his shoulders were tense and knotted, I rubbed his neck and back, hoping that I could make up a little for my earlier mistake.

He moved away from me in response to my touch, and I dropped my hands into my lap, feeling useless and rejected.

Finally, he looked up and looking me in the eye, and asked, “Why did you do it, Nefertiti? You must have known that by defending me, you would earn yourself an extra two weeks to the one week you would have had in the first place.” His dark eyes were confused, but I knew he suspected the reason.