Alone

Apologizing

"You're all cut up! Are you okay? What happened? Where did you go?" Tyler asks me, his face scrunched into a concerned look.

"I'm fine. I just needed to be alone for awhile." I said, looking out the window as Tyler was driving us home. I don't know how he got his car, his mom took the keys after he took me to the hospital when he wasn't even supposed to be driving.

"Then how did you end up with Ryder!" He asks, obviously stressed out.

"Jeez Tyler, relax it's not that big of a deal. I was walking in the woods and he found me."

"Relax? Not that big a deal!? You freaking ran away for hours, and nobody knew where you were, and you're telling me to relax!?!" he practically screams, and I flinch. I silently turn away from him, looking back out the window. "Sorry," I say quietly. He parks the car and I get out and slam my door.

"Summer!" Tyler yells to me, but I just run up to my room and slam my door. I lock it and fall onto my bed. Burying my head in my pillow, I let soft tears escape my eyes. Nobody understands me, no one knows what it feels like to lose absolutely everything...

I force myself off the bed and get into the shower. I let the hot water fall onto my head, giving me a short lived happiness. I love showers, they really clear my head. I used to always sing in the shower, but that was when I took my wonderful life for granted.

I sigh and turn off the shower. I get out and wrap myself in a towel. I love having a bathroom connected to my room, I don't have to pick out my clothes and bring it to the bathroom. I go into my room and put on shorts and a pink tank top. I put on a hoodie then curl up on my bed. I drift to sleep.

***

I wake up to soft knocks on the door. I sit up, brushing my now dry hair out of my face. "Come in," I say, yawning. The door opens and Tyler walks in, with a sheepish look on his face. He walks quietly over to my bed and sits on the edge, as if scared to disturb my peace. He doesn't look at me at all the whole way over, just the ground.

"Hey, uh...I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for earlier, I didn't mean to freak out on you. I just... I was worried about you." he says, then finally looks up, his eyebrows furrowed as he searched my eyes. "I know you love Candy, and I knew that losing her couldn't be easy. I shouldn't have yelled at you, I'm really, really sorry." he says. He sounds so sad when he says this, so genuine. He really is sorry.

He starts to get up, but I catch his arm. "It's okay, it was my fault, I shouldn't have run away." I say. He shakes his head.

"No, it's not your fault, none of this is your fault." he says, sitting back down. I just nod my head, but honestly, I didn't believe him.
I search his face, pausing as I look at the word written on his forehead. I still wonder who put that there. fag. I doubt he would write that himself.

"I was wondering..." I say, about to ask him who did that to him, but instead change my question. "You know your friend Ryder?" I say. He nods his head, a little confused at the question. "yeah, what about him?"

"Does he have a younger brother? That looks just like him?" I ask.

"No. What makes you think that?" he says, even more confused.

"well when Ryder found me I was wet, so he let me borrow some of his sister's clothes. I saw a picture of her wearing the shirt he let me borrow, but she was standing next to a really young boy, who looked just like Ryder. But I didn't think that was possible because if it was taken that many years ago, then wouldn't she have grown out of this shirt?" I ask, eager for an answer. Maybe he has a cousin who looks like him?

I watch as Tyler's eyes seem to sadden. "Um...I think maybe you should ask him about that."

"please just tell me! I won't tell anyone, I swear." I use my big eyes to hopefully persuade him.

"Okay, but you really can't let him know I told you. He doesn't like telling many people. His sister died two years ago, when Ryder was 14. She was 16 and got a rare cancer, probably not too far away from when they took that picture. It was sudden, and they didn't even find out until it was already too late. She had stage four. She died a few months later. He doesn't tell anyone where they buried her. They were really close," Tyler says, and I can tell he truly feels for Ryder.

Tyler suddenly clears his throat. "well uh, I better get some sleep. And uh... I was meaning to ask you..." he paused, scratching his head as he stood up.

"Yeah?" I say, crossing my legs on the bed.

"Um...never mind," and with that he quickly leaves the room.

Well that was strange.