Alone

Don't let me wake up

Ryder's POV.

   I feel more alone than I ever have. I always thought I could depend on certain people, I trusted them. But everyone leaves me...The only people I ever cared about left me. Mom, dad, Amelia, Tyler, and now Kylie. I'm not sure about Summer.

   I'm not mad at them though, I can't blame them. I'm not good enough for them, how could I ever think someone could care about me? I'm a sh*t head for ever letting myself believe that.

   School is over, and I'm just getting back to the house. I walk in, my chest feeling heavy and my whole body feeling exhausted. I just want to go to sleep....and never wake up..

   I close the door, then lay on the couch. Today's events fly through my head, and I feel my eyes start to get wet. I get angry at myself, I messed up everything. Everyone hates me. I push it all away, then close my eyes. I'll let sleep take away my pain. But before I fall asleep, I say a silent prayer.

   Lord, please don't let me wake up.

***

   My eyes shoot open in fear as I feel hands grab me. I see Bills angry red face above me, and I curse myself for falling asleep on the couch. Before I even process what's happening, I'm being thrown off the couch. I land on my shoulder blade with a loud groan. Crawl away, escape. My mind screams as I try and get away.

    Bill is screaming at me, calling me the only truths I've known. Then he said something that made me think.

   "Why do you even try?" he yells, laughing. He grabs my foot and yanks me towards him. Then it occurs to me. Why do I try? This is what I deserve. I deserve this. This is for you mom and dad, for you Kylie and Tyler. I can't explain how sorry I am for...for being me. I don't deserve to even breathe the same air as you guys...

    I felt something I've never felt before...it was something like relief. It felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I went limp, and I stopped fighting. The feeling was me giving up...whatever I had keeping me going just wasn't there anymore...so I let go.

   I let him punch me without protest, each time his fist connected with my body, I only embraced the pain. This is me, this is what I get. There is no point in fighting when I have nothing to fight for. I close my eyes as he continues to yell and beat me.

    My body screams in pain, and my mind is yelling at me to run, to get away. But I can't, I don't have the energy, the willpower. So I let it happen, I let him beat me senseless, until he finally puts my pain to an end when he throws a chair at me.

***

   I wake up in the exact place I was on the ground, curled up in a corner. I slowly uncurl myself, my whole body screaming. I let out multiple groans, but I try my best to muffle them. I finally stand up, feeling dizzy. I stumble upstairs and get in the shower turning it all the way on hot. I usually like cold, but hot will help loosen me up.

    I stay in there for awhile, letting the water take away my pain. If I stood a certain way, it felt almost normal. After a while I get out and put on dark jeans and a Call Of Duty sweatshirt. I don't bother to put a shirt on underneath. I make sure to wear clothes that covers most of my body so the bruises and cuts are less noticed.