Alone

My choice...

Ryder's POV.

  I'm walking home from school, feeling horrible. I always feel horrible, but today was worse. Everyone will know the truth Wednesday morning. Everyone. Tyler doesn't even know the whole truth...he thinks I'm happy, he thinks I'm okay. He's probably not gonna want to hang out with a freak after he finds out.

   I'm not gonna put Summer in danger. She feels like a sister to me...she reminds me a lot of Amelia. Amelia was always the happy, positive, bubbly type. Summer is a bit shy, but once you get to know her she is really funny and nice. She probably won't want to hang out with me either after she finds out, but I don't care. As long as she is safe.

   You're probably wondering what the truth is. Well I'm still trying to find out how Lukas found out. Well this is what happened.

   When my sister was diagnosed with cancer, my parents were obviously upset. I always knew that Amelia was their favorite, but I didn't know that they hated me...

   The more sick she got and the closer to death she got, they started to blame me. I was only 14. I believed them. They told me I was worthless, I was nothing compared to her and now she was gone. It was my fault, I should have noticed, I should have told.

   They didn't want me anymore, they thought I was disgusting. They said I wasn't good enough to be their son. So one day they just left. I wasn't good enough for them. I didn't want to go to foster care or any crap like that, so I never told anyone. I still went to school, acted as if nothing happened. Acted as if I was okay, but I wasn't.

   They abandoned me because I was trash, like they said. I deserved it anyway. I changed since then. Ever since then, I wasn't myself. I like dark colors now, I like to think a lot. I started loving music, listening to it more. Music is my only escape. I'm never going back to my happy old self again. It just won't happen.

   I get to my house and open the door. Home sweet home...I lock the door, then sit down. I burry my head in my hands and pull on my hair. How the f*ck did Lukas even find out? Everyone thinks I'm happy, I'm good at faking it by now. I've never told anyone about my parents.

   I stand up and punch the wall, putting a whole through it. My hand screams in pain, but I don't care. I deserve it. That's the last thing my parents said to me before they left me in a corner crying. You deserve this. You deserve every ounce of pain you get. You would be better off dead.

   They were right about that. I would be better off dead. But I don't deserve that either. It's too easy, too good for me. I would love to be dead. But I don't deserve that, I don't deserve taking the easy way out. If I killed myself, I would be pain free, and I don't deserve that.

   I watch as my knuckles start to bruise. I love the pain and I hate it. I love it because I deserve it. I hate it because it hurts like hell, obviously.

   If he tells everyone that means I'm going into foster care. They'll probably put me up for adoption but nobody would want me anyway. I can't go to foster care. I really can't. But I can't let Summer get hurt either. I go to bed feeling hopeless.

   The next day, Lukas and his friends constantly cornered me, reminded me of what they would tell everyone. Jerks. As*holes. Motherf-

   "Ryder!" someone yells from behind me. I turn around to see little Summer running up to me. She's adorable. She's more like a little sister to me because she's so short and looks so young.

   "What's up?" I say, forcing a smile.

   "Nothing much. I was just wondering if you were doing anything tonight," she said.

   Tonight. Of all nights, tonight. This is my only chance...take it or leave it...

Everyone would know...
Worthless.
Nothing.
Depressed.
Abandoned.
Freak.

Or nobody could know...
Happy.
Normal.

   "You know what? I'm not busy. We could meet up tonight. I'll text you the details, " I say smiling at her. I guess this is my choice. Is it worth it?