Need You Most // Killugon

1 - Thinking on Trains

Killua didn't expect to be here right now.

The train moved at a calming pace, the hum of the engine creating a relaxing sensation.

He looked across from him where his dear sister sat, fast asleep.

Gon came to his memory as he remembered being in this same train with his best friend. They had sat in these same seats and Killua observed him sleep.

That was some time ago. By now, Killua was 16 years old and Alluka was 13. It had only been two years since the big separation under the World Tree, but it felt like decades since he's seen his old friends.

Now here he was on his way to meet them again at Kurapika's request.

The whole ordeal surrounding Kurpika was one big mess. The Phantom Troupe this! The Phantom Troupe that! Oh please! Killua thought of it as quite persistent that his blonde friend would go through so much trouble to pursue the gang of thieves. Was taking away their leaders nen not enough for him?

There was still too much the 16 year old didn't understand since Kurapika summoned him at such short notice. Hopefully he would explain himself better once Killua arrived.

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The steady beat of the train was causing Killua to feel drowsy. He hates to admit it, but he doesn't get much sleep. About four days is the max he can go without sleep completely.

Although it's not that he doesn't want to sleep, it's simply that he can't sleep without getting nightmares. He doesn't tell Alluka this out of fear that she'll start worrying and make a fuss.

The nightmares started after the separation and have proven to be quite bothersome; they usually consist of a sort of distorted reality with events from his life.

Killua frowns to himself when Gon crosses his mind. He misses him like hell, but still hasn't gotten over what happened; It's imprinted into his head. Though even after everything Gon did wrong, Killua still blames himself.

Gon said such mean things, acted so recklessly, sacrificed too much. Deep down Killua realizes this, but he finds a way to claim it as his own fault.

"What if I had tried harder to stop him?"

"What if I had gotten there faster?"

"What if I said something different?"

"What if I never left his side?"

All the "what ifs" racked his brain constantly. To Killua, he was the reason Gon stopped being the cheerful kid everyone adored during the fight against the chimera ants. It hurts to think about that final fight even more; the fight that sent Gon over the edge.

Is he mad at Gon? Honestly a little bit, but he's more just depressed about the whole thing.

As he dozes off further, Killua knows having these thoughts won't make a good dream but he's too tired to care. His eyes close and unsteady breaths become more even.

This doesn't last long though.

His dream starts off as nothing much. It's a white, blinding light.

As it dims, a figure is seen standing at the focal point of the light. Killua can recognize that spiky hair anywhere. Gon's adorable 12 year old self waves a tan hand at Killua from a distance.