she didn't love me, did she? ✔

i don't love you

It's still raining.

My body aches when i finally arrived at the hospital. My jeans and shirt were soaked in rain when i was running as fast as could to get here.

Without looking back, i carefully not bumping other people while i run toward operation room.

Please don't go yet..

I opened the entrance with rush and have to found out that she was dying. Her face says it all. She tried to reach me and i stepped closer to her, letting her know that i am already here. Softly, she smiled and grasped my wet hand.

'Is it cold out there?' she asked weakly. I shook my head and rub my hands on hers.

'Please, it's important for you to not speak..,' i said softly. She giggled. I looked down and started sobbing. She then pull my chin up and stroked her belly.

'Your child don't want to see his daddy crying,'

'No, please..,' i begged her. Her smile was still bright yet vain with hope.

'Don't worry, we'll be fine,' she giggled. But i know she was hiding her pain.

'What about your tumor? What about your blood cancer? ..you won't, it's not damn fine,' i cried in pain. She looked at me with her blurry vision, getting the effect of drug.

'Maybe, just maybe if i won't be here with you again, but if our child safe.., please take a good care of him,' she took my hand. My tears suddenly flooded. Can't imagine when she finally sleep, she won't be here anymore.

'Don't cry please,' she begged, really weak. I looked up to her, her eyes now red filled with tears.

'I know you never loved me,' she smiled in pain. Huh? I suddenly froze.

'..but seeing you cry, i don't know how to feel,' her tears finally spilled.

'You're not a bad husband, you're kind.. but i can't see your honest feeling about me,' she cried. Still frozen in place, she continued.

'Should i finally feel happy that now you're crying because of me, or should i feel sad that i would never know what your tears means,' she wiped my cheek from my dried tears.

That's right.

'Mr. Lee Seokmin, please wait outside now,' said the doctor pushing me away. I resist, my face got blank and i can't close my eyes. The last look i saw from her was her hurtful smile.

You won't know what my tears means.

'Please save her doctor!' i screamed. The door slammed upon me, unable to see her. I punch the entrance door with frustation. In the end, i slumped down and hide my face with my hands. Feeling guilty, anger, and sinful collided my emotions.

'Why did she have to know?' my voice cracked, feeling guilty all over my body. My heart started to ache. All her life was a lie. I am the one who deceive her, i am the one who ruined her life. How she have to burden her heart to know that her husband never loved her. How she was always lonely. All of it pains me.

I spilled my tears again. Falling over until i started feeling drenched and sleepy. All my body felt numb because of sitting too long. Still wet and tired, i decided to go walk outside.

What should I say?
Where do I start?
I'm only hanging my head
You're looking at me
In this awkward silence

I don't love you
I'm sure you already know
Even when I see you shedding tears
My heart doesn't ache anymore

I don't love you
There's no other reason
I don't even want to say
I'm sorry or forgive me

That's all
This is how I really feel
I don't love you
I don't love you

I don't love you
I'm sure you already know
Even when I see you shedding tears
My heart doesn't ache anymore

I don't love you
There's no other reason
I don't even want to say
I'm sorry or forgive me

That's all
This is how I really feel
I don't love you
I don't love you

I don't love you
There's no other reason
I don't even want to say
I'm sorry or forgive me

That's all
This is how I really feel
I don't love you
I don't love you

I sighed and stomped hard my foot on the ground.

'I'm sorry..,'

I'm sorry, i never loved you.