she didn't love me, did she? ✔

curiosity

"If this just an infatuation, can i make sure that it won't be love for good?"

- Lee Seokmin

I can't concentrate.

My head is dizzy and i'm losing my focus. Since the members talked about Yuju, i can't even think anything if there is no slight of her running in my minds.

This is just a temporary right? Everything will be back to normal.

That's what i thought. Until a week later, i still can't find a way to get rid of my highschool past with her.

What am i doing till i can't even recognize her?

Still with my clouded thoughts, Jeonghan tapped my shoulders.

"You should rest, i don't think you will catch up if you still can't think straight,"

"Right, i'm sorry and.. thanks hyung,"

"I feel like a total crap now," i hide my face, feeling frustated.

"It's okay, don't be so hard on yourself," Jeonghan sit beside me. He is really thoughtful, eventhough he is full of mischiefs, his heart is pure an angel.

"Can i tell you, hyung?" I decided to tell him about my worries. And he is really listening to me, concerned about what i'm going through.

"I don't know if it's right, my mind is going elsewhere because of her.., it's just an admiration right? It won't..," I stopped when he looked down, sighed.

"Hyung?"

"You're that selfless and you call it not love?"

I froze. So he think so too. My hands felt cold and i seem don't want to face the truth.

"But i'm not in the position to talk about this, i don't even know how you really feel, so go find out yourself how you truly feel,"

"Besides, people believe what they want to believe," he added.

I don't know he can be so wise. I know he was from science major but hey, he can be that aspiring too.

"Okay? Don't think too much and take your time figure things out," he waved me a goodbye and left, practicing again.

He is right. I decided not too think of it and just let it flow. Let her be my mind all day, maybe until i get bored so i can finally break free.

I turn on my phone and check my chats her.

It was ordinary, and i didn't feel anything weird before this. Maybe i can make sure if i love her or not.. by seeing her face in person again?

I was surprised at the idea. That could be the way, if this chats seem ordinary to me, why can't i feel any different than this?

It felt weird, hearing or looking her name would make my heart throb. Sometimes it tingles with joy, awkwardness and uneasiness. Something that my wife couldn't give it to me when she was alive.

With my heart still throbbing, i texted her, asking if she had a time to take lunch together tomorrow.

Minutes left, and she replied my text. My feelings are mixed when i see her reply.

Yuju : Okay, at the usual.