Reunite

Chapter 33

"You are extremely quiet today.", My head snapped up and I watched Christian bring me over a plate of food for my breakfast.

"I'm ok.", I stated, it was a whisper. Things recently had exhausted me, I was battling my own emotions because I was trying to forget everything that had happened. Rory, the baby and Christian not even being the baby's father. How could I be so cruel? It was a war against my own voice in my head.

"Anastasia?", I snapped out of my daydream and grabbed my spoon. "Are you just saying you are ok?", I sighed and placed my spoon back down, I rubbed my eyes and looked at him eventually.

"Christian, I'm fine.", He slowly dropped his eyes down to his breakfast and moved his food around on his plate.

"I just need reassurance, I need to know you are ok. I'm no good at this relationship thing, I need you to tell me when things aren't ok.", He took a deep breath and continued. "I'll be honest, I'm dying on the inside right now. Losing our baby has killed me Ana, it's killed me and I know you are hurting.", I felt my heart sink, he grabbed my hand and he began to well up.

"I feel like I've let you down, for so many reasons.". I stated, he gripped my hand harder and rubbed my back gently.

"You never let me down. You always cease to amaze me, that's why I love you.", He reached over and kissed me slowly, I pulled away and hugged him tightly.

Christian said his goodbyes after his breakfast as he headed to work, I was awaiting emails to confirm interviews so had nothing planned. I dreaded having nothing to do, I needed my own independence.

For most of the day I cleaned, the cleaners offered to do it but I refused. I needed to keep busy, I couldn't think of the baby and Rory for too long because it drove me crazy.

I scrubbed the floors until I could see my own reflection, I turned the music louder and sang to the top of my lungs. My voice echoed throughout the apartment as I continued cleaning, I moved the mop in huge circles but the music stopped suddenly.

"Anastasia? I've tried phoning you for an hour and I've left countless messages.", I watched Christian throw his bag on the side and walked slowly with his hands tucked in his pockets.

"I'm sorry. I had the music playing, I couldn't hear.", He looked so serious but eventually half smiled.

"What am I going to do with you?", I shrugged and smiled.

"What are you doing back here?", He lightly sighed and kissed me on the cheek before grabbing the mop off of me and placing it back into the cupboard.

"I had to check on you because you weren't answering any of my messages or calls and you should be resting, sit down Anastasia.", I frowned.

"It's not helping me get better by sitting down, Christian. I need to keep busy, I can't get it off my mind if I'm sitting there overthinking everything.", He kneeled down in front of me and wiped his stubble.

"Doctors said you need to rest. It's only been three weeks, you need time to recover emotionally and physically.", We sat down on the sofa together, he rubbed my thigh as I rested my head on his shoulder.

"When are you due back?", I asked.

"I'm done in the office for today, just have a few conference calls arranged for later.", I nodded and kissed his shoulder.

"What's the worse thing I could do for you to hate me?", I felt Christians head snap as he turned and looked at me, I sat up and he watched me carefully.

"Why are you saying that?", He asked, I sighed and grabbed his hand.

"I'm just curious.", He relaxed back into the chair and shrugged, he wiped his stubble and gulped.

"I couldn't hate you, ever.", He stated.

"You could.", He frowned and sat back up again.

"Anastasia, what is going on?", He asked.

"Christian, nothing's going on.", I slowly climbed onto his lap and straddled him, he grabbed my backside and pulled me closer. He picked me up quickly and laid me down so gently, he climbed on top of me and kissed me slowly. He grabbed my wrists and placed them above my head before undoing my jeans, he kissed me hard once again.

I couldn't do it. I just couldn't think. I felt like a boiling kettle that wanted to self combust any second, I watched him kiss me but I was emotionally drained.

"Stop!", I yelled. He raised his eyebrows and almost jumped off of me, I watched his facial expression before standing up.

"Did I hurt you? I'm sorry if I did.", I felt the tears streaming down my face, I wiped them away and stormed into the kitchen. "Anastasia, what did I do?", he asked while I ran the cold tap.

"Christian, I can't do this.", I stated, I admitted to him and finally myself that I was defeated.

"Can't do what?", I sipped my water and wiped the remaining tears away, he kept his distance and looked awfully scared.

"I can't keep lying to you.", He frowned and folded his arms, I folded mine also and gulped.

"What the fuck has happened?", He asked, I could see he was now losing his patience.

"I'm sorry, you'll never know how sorry I am. The baby, the baby wasn't yours Christian.", I saw him crumble in front of me, he stared into space for which felt like forever before finally breaking the silence.

"Our baby that we lost? Our baby that I sat up all night thinking about? Our baby where I stood by your side and stopped you from crying but wanted to break down myself?", He took a deep breath and continued. "Please, tell me you are joking. Please say this is one sick joke.", He covered his mouth with his hand and shut his eyes tightly.

"I wish it was.", He opened his eyes slowly and looked down at the floor, I wiped away my tears and could barely look at him.

"Who was the babies father?", I shook my head and sighed, he paced towards me and grabbed my shoulders harder than usual. "Who was he!", He bellowed, I jumped as he lightly shook me.

"Rory.", I sobbed uncontrollably as he widened his eyes, he dragged me up and held my face so I had to look at him.

"Did you fuck that loser behind my back?", His nostrils were flared, I had seen him angry but nothing like this. "This is why I don't have relationships, they always fuck up. I want your stuff gone and yourself by tomorrow morning, I can't even look at you.", I sobbed once again and watched him go back into the kitchen, I followed him and watched him pull himself a large glass of wine.

"Please, let me explain!", I pleaded.

"Explain what? You fucking cheated on me with a loser and then got pregnant, there's no explanation other than that!", He sipped his wine rubbed his stubble roughly.

"I was raped.", More tears fell when I admitted it, his eyes snapped up from his glass and met mine. "I'm so sorry.", I stated.

To be continued