Holding on to What is Left {Editing as of 03/24/15}

Chapter Two

- Cover made by @FearLessTeeter on Twitter -

_

It's currently 1:45 in the morning. I'm done watching my Cubetubers (Graser10, Bayani, Hbomb, TYBZI, Bee, etc.) for the night, so I decide to go upstairs to my bedroom. As I'm walking up the stairs, I see my sisters room, and her small jewelry box has been knocked down.

"Veda! I thought I taught you to stay out of Justice's room! Sometimes I swear you get on my nerves..."

I walk into her room and pick up her jewelry box. As I'm picking it up, a small piece of paper falls out. I bend down to pick it up, and I see my name is written softly and carefully in Justice's handwriting.

I began to open the letter, and then I see the words "I'm sorry,".

That's when I know what the note is.

I run into my room with the note and sit at my desk, staring at the small folded edges of the note, tempted to not read it and throw it away.

The letter was meant for me. From Justice. My sister.

I have to read it! I start reading, my hands trembling with every word I say aloud.

"Kat, I'm sorry. I can't deal with the pain of waking up every morning and knowing that mom and dad aren't here. I love you very much, but I can't go on any longer without them. You have been a great sister to me, and I couldn't ask for any more. I want you to live life without me, find true love, enjoy doing something you enjoy, as long as you are living life to the fullest! Don't let my death make you want to die too. I'll tell mom and dad hi for you, okay? And thanks again for everything you did for me after they died. Also, take care of Veda!

Lots and lots of Love,

Your sister,
Justice Leonor Bowett"

I can't even explain the pain I'm feeling right now. I'm feeling sadness, hurt, pain, and also anger all at the same time! All I can think of is:

Why did she have to leave me?

Will I ever see her again?

Why did she even write me this letter knowing I'm going to hurt afterwards?

If I die, will I see her and my parents again?

I crunch up the letter and shove it in my pocket. While I run downstairs, I feel streams of tears running out of my eyes and pouring down my face. I go to the kitchen and grab tons of cups and just start throwing them and breaking them against the wall.

"WHY DID YOU HAVE TO LEAVE ME?" I scream into the air. "WHY SHOULD I HAVE TO SUFFER THE LOSS OF YOU AND MY PARENTS?"

I find a knife and slit my wrists, just under the preexisting scars that I have had since 8th grade.

I wipe the blood on my shirt but it just keeps coming in streams. The pain is horrible, but not as bad as the pain I feel in my heart. I run outside as hard as I can, across Jordan's yard and over the bridge leading to the train tracks.

"Kat, hey Kat! Is that you!? Wait up!"

He doesn't see the blood yet. He doesn't see the tears running down my face. I can't let him see me die this way, I can't!

I run harder and harder until I get to the train tracks, and that is when I hear the 1:45 train approaching.

"Kat! What are you doing? OH MY GOD.... Is that blood?" Jordan says as he is running up to me.

"Just go away Jordan! Just go! I don't want you to see me like this.. JUST LEAVE ME!" I scream at him.

The train is getting nearer to me now, and I'm about to step onto the tracks when I feel cold hands grip my arms. I sink down to the ground just beside the train tracks. He is so close to me I feel his breath against my face.

"I'm not going to let you do this! I have to get you to the hospital before you bleed out... Just let me Kat!"

He picks me up and carries me (while running) in his arms to his car.

"Kat, don't pass out on me yet okay? Don't leave me, listen to the sound of my voice and don't doze off! Please Kat!"

Too late.

I've already dozed off, and see a black, cold, nothingless.

-