Holding on to What is Left {Editing as of 03/24/15}

Forgive and Forget

After sitting at the railroad tracks for 3 hours, I go home and get in my car. I drive up to the hospital to go see if my mom is doing any better.

I walk into the doors, and as soon as the nurse sees me she motions me to follow. She takes meantime the back room, and I take a seat in one of the red chairs.

"Katie. I know you're here for your mom, but she isn't doing so well right now. We are working on getting her memory set straight. She doesn't need any... Distractions at the moment."

Distraction?

Is that what I am?

"Thanks..." I say and jump out of the chair. I slam the door open and stomp my way out of the hospital.

So now I'm everyone's lowest priority.

I turn on the ignition and put the car into reverse. I slam on the gas and get onto the interstate to go home.

I'm pretty sure Jordan knows that I know he was talking to another girl, since I basically slammed the door shut and walked out of the house.

When I drive into my driveway, I see a note dangling from my door. At the top of it is a small ribbon.

I get out of my car and walk up to the porch and grab the note. It says:

Kat,

I know you heard everything I said. I feel absolutely horrible for what I've done. I shouldn't have been talking to Bee when I was with you. I've just known her longer, and I felt like I couldn't let her down. I'm terribly sorry, I love you so much and I don't want to lose you Kat. You are my life, my world, my everything. I'll be trying to call you later. If you don't answer or don't want to talk to me, I understand. I'm so sorry.

I press open the door and go sit down on the couch. I look at the note once more, then tear it up into tiny little pieces.

He hurt me. Everyone I love or become close to always hurt me in the end.

**********************************

I wake up to the sound of knocking on my door. I throw my legs over the side of the couch and walk up to the door.

Then I hear a meow.

Veda!

I open the door and I see Veda, but she isn't alone. Jordan is right behind her.

He has a look of complete sadness and worry on his face. His eyes are red and puffy, and I can't help but feel sorry for him.

He acts as if he is going to come forward and hug me, but I step back.

"Thank you for bringing Veda. Now you can leave."

I am not going to show him any sympathy. He hurt me.

"Please, Kat... Just let me talk to you for a minute... I haven't talked to Bee anymore, I told her I couldn't, I want you."

"Oh, so I'm your sloppy seconds choice? Dont. Even. You hurt me. You said you loved me, you said you wanted to be with me. But let me ask you one question. How long?"

He looks deep into my eyes.

"What do you mean how long?"

How long have you been talking to her?!?!" I scream at him.

Jordan shuffles his feet and puts his hands together.

"Since the third week of our relationship."

All of a sudden my heart breaks into a million pieces. I feel as if I'm about to puke.

"How could you even?! Why would you do this to me when you know what in going through? You are such an-"

All of a sudden Jordan comes toward me and grabs me by the waist. He pulls me to him and kisses me hard. I don't kiss back, but I have to admit I liked it.

I'm the first to break the kiss, and he puts his forehead to mine.

He says, "I don't know why I did it. If it makes you feel better, I felt super guilty about it. Every thought that comes into my head is how much I regret doing what I did. I literally hate myself for it."

I put my nose to his.

"I'm not going to say this is okay. You hurt me Jordan. Badly. But I will forgive you for one reason only."

"And what is that?" He says brushing his lips with mine.

"Only because I love you. But don't do it again. Ever."

He smiles and squeezes my hips tightly.

"I love you too babe. It won't EVER happen again. Never."

I lean into him and kiss him. He makes me forget all my imperfections.

"I don't know what I would do without you Kat. I don't know what I was thinking when I was talki-"

I press my mouth to his once again, then break apart.

"No. Shhh. Don't talk about it anymore, ever. Okay?"

All of a sudden in the corner of my eye I see a sudden darkness floating in the corner.

I ignore it.

"Okay." Jordan says.

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