Holding on to What is Left {Editing as of 03/24/15}

Unforgettable

The doctors say she has Short Term Memory Loss, except in her case, it's severe.

Jordan holds my hand as we leave the hospital, and the doctors told us it may be a while before she comes back. They are working on therapy for her brain so maybe she can remember things that just happened.

But how could you just forget everything we had just done? All the fun we had?

For me, it's unforgettable.

Jordan drives me across town and we go the park by the fairgrounds where our first date was.

He leads me through the soft, green, grass all the way to the little bench in front of the pond.

We sit down, and he puts his arm around me.

I just want to yell, "WHY DID SHE FORGET? WHY DOES THIS HAVE TO HAPPEN?"

I feel like I've lost her all over again.

Jordan looks at me, and has the look of sympathy in his deep blue-green eyes. I grab his other hand and intertwine our fingers together.

Sometimes silence is the best thing.

A little bit later, Jordan leans forward and breaks the silence.

"Tell me what's on your mind."

"Why did my mom forget? It feels like I've lost her all over again. Losing someone doesn't just make you depressed for a small amount of time, it effects you in the worst way possible, atleast for me. My only escape right now is you, Minecraft, and YouTube. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do!"

He pulls me even closer to him, and presses his forehead to mine.

"I believe God doesn't put things in your life that you can't handle. I believe you can handle all the things coming towards you, because you are stronger than that. From just me and you being together for this long, I can tell you have the strength for anything. I love you, and I will help you get through it!"

It feels good to have someone care about you so much in your life, it really does. Jordan makes me feel so much better, I really don't know what I would do without him.

But what if our relationship doesn't last?

What if he loses interest in me?

I block the thoughts from spilling into my head, and decide to stand up. Jordan stands up with me and leads me to his car. We go home, and he walks in my house with me.

"So... I know it's been a bit of a bad day, but do you still want to record with me and some of the guys?"

"Not right now, I'm just going to go watch some South Park."

He looks dejected.

"Okay... Do you mind if I use your computer?"

"Nope. Go on ahead."

He walks down the hallway to my room, and I see him close the door.

Why did he close the door?

It doesn't matter...

I lay down in the couch and put a few pain killers in my mouth. I lean my head back, put my arms behind my head, and just relax.

All of a sudden I realize I forgot my phone in my room. I get up and start to walk down the hallway when all of a sudden I hear Jordan laugh.

I open the door slightly, and what I hear my mind can't process.

"No you're adorable!" He says in the mic.

Then a pause.

"I can't wait to meet you at Pax, so then we can finally be together. Then I won't have to deal with Kat's problems."

Another pause.

"Yeah, I agree. Then you can stay here with me and not have to move back to Australia!"

I slam the door hard and run out of the room. I get outside, and run as hard as I possibly can to the place I love to be the most. The railroad.

The railroad is my escape. I like to listen and count the train cars as they pass, and sometimes I even like to sit on the tracks when there aren't any trains coming.

I sit down on the rail, then put my head between my legs. My sobs are so overwhelming, I'm moving forward every time I breathe in.

What did I do to deserve this?

Jordan said he loved me.

He lied.

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