Holding on to What is Left {Editing as of 03/24/15}

Chapter Four

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I go to the restroom and wash my hands. I peel off the pads taped onto my arms by the doctors to keep my cuts from bleeding. What I see is almost unbearable. There are tons of stitches stretching across both arms, at least over 15 on each. I know these scars are going to be the worst and the ugliest.

I start to cry, knowing trying to kill myself was definitely the wrong decision, especially this way. Tears just start running down my face, and I think:

Would mom want to see me this way?

No. She wouldn't. She would want me to wipe the tears off my face, and keep going with life.

I hear a door open down the hallway, so I quickly wipe the tears off of my face, but my eyes are still puffy from crying. I open the door and start to walk towards the guest bedroom I'm staying in, but Jordan steps out of his room just in time to see enough of my face to tell I've been crying.

He looks at me, and all he says is:

"Come here."

I walk over to him and he bends down to hug me. He wraps his arms tightly around my shoulders, and after a few moments I wrap my arms around his waist.

Is this what it's like to have someone care about you?

We stand there for a few minutes, hugging. I'm the first to let go.

"I'm sorry Jordan.. Really. For being so freakin' emotional, and also for what I put you through for the past couple of days."

"Don't worry about it, and anytime you need someone to talk to, I'm here, okay?"

I look deep into his beautiful eyes, and say "Okay."

I start back towards the room I'm staying in, and close the door behind me. I take off my clothes and throw on an oversized t-shirt, long enough to almost cover my knees.

I get my laptop, and log on to YouTube. The first person I see under my Subscribers list of videos is Bayani's new video.

I click it, and watch it from beginning to end. The video is about him apologizing for not uploading for the past few days, and that he has had a few problems, but he will be livestreaming in a little bit.

I log onto twitch, and look up Bayani's name, and it shows he is already streaming. He is on 'The Cube SMP' with Graser10 and Hbomb94.

Graser is pestering Bayani about not uploading videos daily, and Hbomb is just laughing along. Bayani keeps trying to tell Graser that there was some problems outside of YouTube he has been taking care of, and that his viewers should understand.

All of a sudden, in the next room I hear Jordan laugh really loudly and say "You're such a goof!!"

Huh... He must be on the phone or something.

I close my computer and plug it up to the wall.

Time to go to sleep. Well, that is if I can.

I wake up the next morning to the smell of waffles, eggs, and maple bacon. I put my hair in a messy bun and put on a sweater and some jeans. As I'm walking out of the room, Veda walks up to me and rubs her back against my leg.

"Well, good morning to you too, Veda. It's nice to see you!" I say, bending down to pet her.

"Looks like you found Veda, eh? Come on into the kitchen, I made you some breakfast."

I walk into Jordan's kitchen and sit down at a chair across from him. He made me the perfect breakfast.

We sit and talk about our childhood, school, and video games.

That's one thing I found out about Jordan, he loves minecraft.

"Hey, maybe sometime we should play together!" I tell him.

"Sure, when I'm not busy!" He says.

But when is he really busy? He doesn't work.. Maybe he just doesn't want to play with me... I don't know!

We finish eating, and I go back to the hallway bathroom. I put some mascara on, because that's all I ever really wear, and I take down my hair. It is super curly from the messy bun. My hair is long. Not middle if the back long, but waist long.

I have my mothers hair, and my fathers features.

I walk out of the bathroom, and go into the guest bedroom to pack up some of my stuff.

This is such a big house for only Jordan to be living in... But I can say the same for myself.

Jordan is in the next room, and it sounds like he is talking to someone again.

I wonder who it is?

Oh well. I turn on my laptop and go through my youtuber's new videos. I see Graser10 uploaded a new video, and he is playing SG with Bayani and TYBZI.

TYBZI is talking to Bayani, and says:

"It's good to have you back bud. We missed you the last couple of days, what happened?"

I hear Bayani clear his throat, and he says:

"Well, you guys know I just moved into this new house, and my neighbor has been having some.... Problems. I took her to the hospital, and I stayed with Ka-- her there for the 3 days she was being checked out. So when she got better, they let her go. So yeah..."

Graser chuckles and says "Well, it's good to have you back, because I missed you guy!"

They just keep joking about how 'Graser missed Bayani' but I'm off in my own world, thinking about what I just heard Bayani say.

Bayani's neighbor has been having problems... He took her to the hospital... He stayed with her there... When she got better they let her go... And he almost said her name, and it sounded like he said 'Ka--'... Could Bayani possibly be...

No! No, he couldn't, there is no possible way, right?

But also the yesterday when I told him about my youtubers, he seemed to get a little uncomfortable...

Could it be possible that Jordan is... Bayani?

I shove my laptop in my bag and tell myself not to think about it.

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