Holding on to What is Left {Editing as of 03/24/15}

The Pain of the Black Mist

I wake up to doctors surrounding me beside a bed.

I can't tell exactly who is around me, my vision is too blurred to tell.

By the pain I feel in my left leg, the stabbing sensation in my lower back, and the throbbing of my head, I know I'm hurt badly.

Then I see the black mist behind one of the doctors beside me. It's face spreads as if its a smile, then slowly fades away.

Suddenly the doctors start moving around frantically. They go beside me and put something in my IV, and the frantic voices I hear around me, I figure out I'm awake; In the middle of an operation.

My stomach is completely numb, but I know I have a cut extending from hip to hip. I lift my head a little, and what I see I can't bear. There is a piece of metal seared through my stomach.

Then, I pass out.

*********************************

For the second time, I wake up. But this time, I'm in my own hospital room.

My head is turned in an awkward way, and the bed is partially sitting up. Jordan is sitting in the chair in which the way my head is turned.

"Your awake!" He yells. "Oops... I mean hey."

I force myself to laugh, but it turns into a sob from the pain spreading across my stomach.

"Oops. Sorry, no more laughing."

He reaches over and wraps his hands around my good hand, and puts his forehead to our conjoined fingers.

"When I got the phone call that you've been in a horrible wreck, I thought I lost you. But this time for good. When I drove my way to the crash site, I made it barely in enough time to ride with you in the ambulance. There was so much blood..." He croaks. "I thought you were dead. Your chest was barely rising for each breath, your arm was twisted awkwardly, your leg was bloody and cut, your face was covered with blood and rocks, and what scared me the most was the metal sticking out of your stomach. The whole time I was beside you, I was praying God wouldn't take you out of my life. Not this time." Jordan starts to cry, and kisses my hands softly. His hiccuping cries make my cry too, even worse than before.

I manage to get the strength up to talk to him.

"I... Love you..." I get out in barely more than a whisper.

"I love you too babe. More than you will ever know."

We sit in silence for about 30 minutes when a few doctors file in.

"You seem to be reacting great to our treatment. You will most likely be in the hospital for 3 more weeks minimum, but when you do get to go home, you'll be on bedrest for 3 more weeks. And also..." He looks from me to Jordan. "No sexual activity for atleast 2 months so her wounds have time to heal." Jordan laughs a little, and I stiffle a smile. I'm still virgin, and I plan on being that way for a while.

"But for right now, no moving around, no sitting up for a week, and no excessive amount of eating."

I don't know if I should be offended by that comment or not.

The other two doctors walk beside me, and puts the needle into my IV bag.

Some kind of medicine probably.

Then one of the doctors turns to face me, and has the face of the black mist thing.

I scream, and the other doctors try to calm me.

"DID YOU SEE THAT?!" I yell at them. The pain in my stomach caused me to choke on my words, and flinch back.

"See what Katie?" The one that DID have the look of the mist on him. Although its no longer there, I feel the sense that it is near.

I shake my head as a signal of nothing, and close my eyes.

Just go away. Just go away. Just go away.

About 10 minutes later, I open my eyes slowly, and see Jordan staring at me.

"You okay? What was that about?"

I can't tell him. He will think I'm crazy, he will put me in a mental institution, just like what they are doing with my mom.

"Nothing." I say breathlessly.

He knows in not telling him something, but he just shrugs it off.

He has no idea.

Jordan grabs the remote and turns on the television. He half smiles when Spongebob pops up.

For nearly 3 hours we are watching spongebob, when finally I drift off.

I see the black mist again, except this time it's so close to my face, I can feel it.

"I thought you would come home Katie. I thought you would come to me."

It drags its fingernail across my stomach where my stitches are, reopening my wound. It sends terrible pain all across my body, causing me to scream in my dream loudly.

I shot my eyes open, and I see more doctors standing around me. Jordan isn't here.

"Where's Jordan?" I whisper.

The doctors are doing something to my stomach, but I can't tell what.

"We made him leave as soon as you fell asleep. We thought you needed time alone."

I just wanted to scream at him! When I'm alone, that's when the black mist is at its worst.

"Hold on, we're almost done re-stitching your stomach. After we get done, we'll invite Jordan back in, okay?"

Re-stitching?

"What...... Happened.....?" I manage to say.

"Looks like you somehow cut open your stitches in your sleep. It happens."

But the thing is, I didn't cut open my stitches. The mist did.

So the black mist can literally cause me physical pain.

Just great.

*********************************

After the doctors get done, they let Jordan come back in.

"Don't leave me again." I tell him.

He shifts his weight in his seat, and rubs up and down my arm.

"Don't worry babe. I won't let them tell me to leave your side ever again."

Now that he is near me, I can finally try to sleep. Jordan turns on the music in his phone, and puts the song "Cardiac Arrest" by the Bad Suns on repeat.

The music seems to calm me, and sure enough, I'm back to sleep."

*********************************