Holding on to What is Left {Editing as of 03/24/15}

Holding On To What Is Left

I look at Jordan's laptop, and check his video. It says it has finished uploading, so I check the comments.

"Oh my gosh Bayanidood! You are too cute!"

"You and Kat are so perf!"

"That face doeeeee"

"My new wallpaper!"

"Can I just please have your face"

I then go to his twitter and see what all his friends are saying.

"@TYBZI: How did I know you had a big mouth? Oh yeah... Haha"

"@Graser10: I knew you were ugly"

"@DulJuice: PLZ date me i fna"

"@ParkerGames: can you not thx"

I laugh at all their stupid comments, then start to write a new tweet under his name.

"Hey guys, it's Bayani's girlfriend Kat. Jordan has been in a... Accident. He isn't doing well, so keep him in your prayers or have hope for him. Thanks <3"

I press 'Done'.

After about 5 minutes, the comments section is full of people giving sympathy. The fans are saying they love him, to make sure he knows, and a few people are saying they're starting prayer circles.

I put the laptop back on the desk, and pull the covers over my head. I close my eyes, and drift off into a deep sleep.

"Katie... We are waiting for you..."

"I'm coming home soon, just please, don't hurt Jordan anymore. I'm coming soon." I say in my dream.

*********************************

"Excuse me Katie Bowett?"

I press the covers off of my face. It looks to be around 10:00 pm.

"Yes?"

"You may come see him now, he is stabilized, but he is asleep."

I pick up his bag in my room, and stuff his laptop in it. I half carry half drag it after the nurse as she is leading me to his room.

I walk in, and see something that you would see in a horror movie.

He has a cut across his arm, his right leg in a cast, his head is wrapped with gauze, and his shirt is off and has a cut extending from the left side of his body to the lower right part of his body.

"Oh God..."

I run over to him and grab his hand. I kiss it softly, and rest my head on his shoulder.

"I'm so sorry it did this to you... It's all my fault... You won't hurt anymore because of me. I'm so sorry..."

I intertwine our fingers together and look at them. We would be perfect, if it wasn't for my sucky life.

Maybe he will wake up not remembering me. That's what is best.

I start to cry, letting the tears roll down his arm, and finally drip on the floor.

His body is cold, and he looks peaceful in his sleep. I take out a notepad and a pen, and start to write him my final note.

Jordan,

I love you with all my heart. You are my life, my love, my everything. You brought me happiness and joy in my worst times. I'm sorry this happened to you. It was the mist... I defied him and he did this to you. It's all my fault... Don't hate me please, but I can't stand to cause you pain anymore. I can't let you suffer because of me. I will see you again someday. Remember you will always have a special place in my heart.

I Love You,

Katie Maycee Bowett

<3

I fold the note neatly, and put it in his hand. My hand scans and brushes his cheek softly, and I kiss him on the lips. I press back his longish, brown hair, then get up from beside him. I look at his beautiful face one last time, and leave the room.

I love you...

I walk back to my room, slowly but surely. My brain knows what is coming next, and I dread it.

The bathroom door is open, so behind me I close it softly.

I pull out the razor, and press it softly to my skin.

"This is for you Jordan."

I start thinking of the memories we had together, the fair, the time he moved in next to me, the nights we slept together. Every moment we spent together replays in my head, and each memory that pops up I press the blade harder and longer into my wrist.

The blood starts to flow down my arm, and I feel the sensation of pain that I used to love.

I stand closer to the sink, and I look at myself in the mirror. The blood keeps flowing, and my vision is blurred. My hair is long against my hips, and my facial features are cringed.

Suddenly, I see a picture of my mom pop in front of me.

"Honey, it only takes a slit more. You're almost home. Hurry before the mist comes back, and you will never see him again."

She grabs my hand with the razor in it and puts it to my wrist. I feel it cut once again, but I don't feel it's pain. My mom presses her lips to my forehead, then leans back and smiles.

The warmth of the blood on my arm brings back cold memories, but I block them out. It drips down slowly, then comes at a full stream.

Soon, there is nearly a pool at my feet, my moms and dads blood mixed.

"Baby, you're almost home."

My vision is now completely blurred, and my body collapses to the ground. My mom and dad are pulling me with them, Justice is standing there waiting.

I see Jordan's face, looking at me with love and kindness.

"I love you." He says.

Pictures of us flow into my mind, our first kiss, the first time he held my hand, when we first slept together, and the last moment I saw him; Him lying in a hospital bed, peacefully sleeping, but in pain because of me.

Then, there is a bright light.

My mom is holding my right hand, and Justice is holding my left. My dad is in front of me, smiling brightly.

"Don't forget me. I love you. Goodbye, Jordan."

So that is what it was like,

Holding On To What Is Left.

*********************************