CASUAL AFFAIR; brendon urie

Chapter Fifty-One

I'd had a great night.

A really great night, actually. I came home from my date with Florrie, with a great big smile on my face, whistling jauntily. I kicked the door shut behind me as I stepped inside my house, throwing my jacket onto the peg and kicking my shoes off. I paused, running a hand through my hair as I thought about the past few hours.

We'd had dinner, at this pizza place I'd been a fan of since coming to California - this real cosy, stone walls and open pizza ovens, Italian place. I'd met her there, and Florrie ... well, she'd been as stunning as ever. She was wearing black skinny jeans, white doc marten boots, and a black tube bra underneath a sheer white vest patterned with black skulls, her hair tumbling in dark waves over one shoulder, and the smile she gave me when she spotted me ... Damn.

I'd taken her hand and kissed it and she did that little snorty giggle she had that was utterly adorable, and then we'd sat and ordered. And we ate until we were both stuffed, Florrie rubbing her still flat stomach, and puffing her cheeks up as she said 'I don't think I need to eat for at least half a week now,'. And talked. We talked so much, and laughed, and ... and at the end of the night, when I'd dropped her off at her place, she'd leant up and pressed a soft kiss to my cheek, before giving me a crooked smile and waving as she disappeared into the building.

And with my grin still on, I wandered through into the lounge -

My heart stilled, and my smile dropped the second I saw who was sitting at my couch, hands clasped on her knees, face perfectly patient and calm. "Hey." She said brightly when she looked up and saw me in the doorway, smiling.

"How did you get in?" I asked, my voice devoid of the real panic I was feeling.

"You haven't changed your locks." She laughed lightly, like I'd told a joke, getting to her feet. "Now I think I should just cut to the chase, right? Better than dancing around the point. Basically," she took a few steps towards me, and I took a step back. "I miss you, Brendon. Really miss you. I want you back. I know I've been an idiot, and made mistakes, and for that, I truly am sorry. I threw away something so amazing. And ... I want it back."

"Sarah..." I shook my head, instantly feeling something like ... well, not guilt, but maybe a nicer form of something like pity. "I'm sorry, but no."

The hurt was obvious as it crossed across her delicate features. "But-"

"I think - I think you should go." I tried to use the kindest tone I could as I said it, reaching out to put a hand on her arm.

She jerked backwards, her features instantly hardening. "Oh, I'm not going anywhere."

"Sarah, I'm sorry. Sure, what we had was amazing. Was. But not anymore. You and I both knew it was going south, way before you ... anything even happened. We were both just too used to the safety of being in a relationship to break it off until the last moment."

"But," her bottom lip wobbled. "I love you."

I spread my hands wide, in a gesture of friendliness. "Maybe we can get a coffee together sometime. But not for a little while."

"I get it." She said, and her tone was suddenly colder than the arctic wind. "There's another girl. Someone else." Her voice was utterly bitter.

And I froze. Blinked. Because clear as day, I remembered Florrie's words to me, earlier that night 'Brendon ... I know we're done with the lying. The sneaking around. But ... can what we're doing just stay as private as possible? At least for now. I just ... let's take it slowly, yeah?' And I'd agreed. Because I knew she was scared about people - people like the fans - knowing too soon. Judging her. Ruining us. So nobody else other than who already knew, could know. "No, there's not."

I couldn't mention Florrie. I couldn't have Sarah know about her, hurt her ... I might not have been giving Sarah the benefit of the doubt, but something in Sarah's expression and tone chilled me. "There's not." I repeated.

"Don't treat me like I'm stupid." Her pretty face twisted in rage. "I know all about her ... and you."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"What about this?" she held up a phone. My iPhone. I cursed myself, for not having taken it with me on the date, on having left it, right here...

"How did you get that?" it was a dumb question to ask, but I felt dumbstruck then.

"Shouldn't be so careless." She shrugged. "And your passcode's still the same." And she quickly tapped the code in, turned the screen back so it was facing me and

Oh god no.

It was a picture of Florence. Wearing nothing but a smile. It was the shot I'd taken of her, on my bed. Next was a self-shot. One of the one's she'd taken and sent to me. And as Sarah's thumb swept across the screen, all of the pictures I'd saved, I'd been selfish enough to keep for myself, were there. "Now do you know what I'm talking about?" she asked sharply.

I could hear the thrumming of my heart, and I felt cold. Completely cold.

Sarah's bittersweet smile was utterly twisted - certainly not the sweet, delicate smile I'd wrote a song for in the past. And with a flick, she locked the phone back up, and put a finger to her lips, tapping it as if she was deep in thought. "Now wouldn't it be a mighty shame if those images were to somehow ... oh, I don't know, be leaked online?" she raised an eyebrow.

"You can't." I said, even though I meant to say you wouldn't.

"I can." She said. "And I will ... Now listen to me, Brendon." And just like that, her tone became softer, gentler ... deceiving in its warmth and gentleness. "I don't want to hurt her. I really don't. I personally don't know her at all, and it'd be a shame to do that to someone who could be the nicest girl out there." I knew what she was getting at. What she was doing.

I didn't move a muscle as she made her way over to me, and wrapped her arms around me from behind, over my chest, pressing her chin into my shoulder. I flinched, the moment she touched me, but otherwise ... let her do it. "I love you, Brendon. And I want to give our relationship another chance. Doesn't that sound good?"

"Sarah..."

"I don't want to hurt her, Brendon. But I will." She warned. "And I lost something good the second we called it a day. I lost my whole life, my whole future. You can't blame a girl for wanting that back again. And who knows? Maybe this time it's forever. We'll get married ... or, I mean, we don't have to. But still."

I can't hurt Florence. I can't.

But I was going to, either way.

I make Sarah go away, and I'll ruin her life when those photos are put online for the world to gawk at. She'll probably lose the deal with Gerard and the comic book. Maybe her store. Her dignity. Her self-confidence.

Or I break her heart by saying yes to Sarah.

But ... but she'd move on from me, eventually. The old saying, that I hated, was apt right now - plenty more fish in the sea. Whereas the other option ...

It killed me, right then. Like my heart had been pulled out my chest and stomped on. But I did it. The worst mistake of my life.

I said yes to Sarah.

ok, so first of all I just have to say - these characters are in no way affliated with the actual real live people. I personally love Sarah, and think she's amazing and perfect for Brendon in every way (sometimes I question whether I'm jealous of her for being married to Brendon, or Brendon for being married to her, um.) it's just pure fiction on my part, for the drama of the story, and to create a 'villain', per se.

and secondly- WOAH. DANG. DRAMA.

-Beth