Irregular

Chapter 22

After dinner, I head back upstairs. Jaley never joined us, she was still unconscious when I left. I still kind of feel bad about doing that to her. But, I had to do what I had to do. I wasn't leaving her there and I knew she wouldn't have came unless by force.

Marah and Ivan hit it off. His mother, Ms. Emerald who is a maid, offered to take them to explore. Of course, I allowed that. I need a little break from Marah. I love that girl to death, but she's too much sometimes. With Ms. Emerald watching her, I can actually have time to process all of this.

Oh, I also found out a little bit about Ivan. Supposedly, he was born to marry the next Queens daughter. AKA, my daughter. However, since he is already a decade old and I don't even have anyone to have a child with, he's going to have to miss out. He was actually not even supposed to be born yet. Mr. Drake, his father, was next in line to marry Poppy, my mother. Apparently there's a long line of men in the Drake family to marry royalty. They have good genes or something? I'm not sure.  However, her death sent him into deep depression and he became an alcoholic, got wasted, slept with the "castle" maid, then came Ivan. Poor kid.

As I pushed open our bedroom door, I saw Jaley wrapped in a towel, sitting on the windowsill. "How are you feeling?" I ask as I approach her; she doesn't answer. She sits and stares out the window. "I'm sorry for what I did, you wouldn't come with me and I wasn't leaving you." She still ignores me. I can't blame her, honestly. She just lost her sister.

"Look," I continue. "you don't have to answer me. You don't even have to look at me, Jaley. But, please know I'm here. I know that's cliché and stupid and you want to throw up at the thought of that, but Marah and I are all you have now. We are all Marah has! You don't have to like me, but please don't shut me out." She doesn't budge. She continues to ignore me and stare out the window.

"Okay." I get up. "Just know, you aren't the only one scared. I'm terrified. I have no clue what I'm doing. I'm alone and I need you."

"I don't have any clean clothes." She mumbles as I begin to walk away. "That's why I'm sitting in a towel."

I stop and turn back around. "I figured." I say. "I can get Nalsa to get you some."

"I tried to hang myself with the towel. This towel, actually." She looks down at her hands. "It worked. But, then I just woke back up. I have no clue how to kill myself. It's pathetic."

"Jaley, why would you do that?"

She buries her face in her hands and begins to cry. "I loved him, Zinn. I loved him and I was too ignorant to show it!" She begins to sob even harder. "All because of Mae. I thought I'd always have her so I just focused on her, and they're both gone! They were just ripped away right in front of me and I couldn't do anything about it! I just sat there like an idiot screaming! They were all I had, Zinn! She was my best friend and now she's dead!" 

I sit down beside her and pull her into my arms. "Jaley,"

"Those flowers!" She interrupts. "All I can freaking think about is those damn flowers! I'm so stupid!"

"You aren't stupid. You were just being cautious."

"And now they're dead." She begins to calm down. "They're dead." She whispers.

            I begin to cry, but hide it from her. "I know you hate me, but I really need you!"

"I don't hate you."

That's honestly good to hear. "I understand what you're going through." I tell her. "I know right now you don't care about my sob story, but I honestly do understand. I lost my two best friends in a car wreck a long time ago and I watched as they died right in front of me. Same as you, I couldn't do anything about it. Sometimes, I talk myself into believing it was my fault. I knew my friend was drunk when he got behind the wheel, but I was too distracted to do anything about it. I watched them die right beside me. I just, screamed and screamed like an idiot instead of trying to help them. Then I was forced to leave my family for another; they're dead too. Now, the family I thought I'd have forever might all be dead as well. Except for you and Marah. I can't lose you guys too, Jaley. I'm tired of losing the ones I love. And now I'm some "ruler" of a world I never knew existed? A world that you only hear about in children's books. My aunt tried to kill me; my actual mom isn't my actual mom. My real mother is dead because my aunt killed her. It's all a freaking mess!"