Wings : Attack on Titan x Reader Scenarios / Imagines ▼

[That Day :: Mikasa]

(F I V E  Y E A R S  B E F O R E)  

"The boats are full! No more admissions!"

"Dammit, dammit, hurry up!"

"This is it. We're all dead. This is the end."

For a few moments you couldn't tell which was moving - the worms of fear inside your stomach or the boat beneath your feet. Both were a churning, slow motion, sweeping back and forth and back again, continuing their circular cycles, each time more unsettling than the last. The people on the vessel were weeping. They held their loved ones close, if they were lucky, or screamed and pounded their fists against the splintering wood of their seats if they weren't. Children melted into their parents' grasps and sobbed and parents did the same with their children. The noise was terrifying, adding to the chaos, beating out the roaring waves as the loudest thing you could hear.

But the people who hadn't made it on the boat, who were back on the docks...you shuddered. You didn't want to think about them.

Because there was a good chance that two of the people in the crowd were your parents.

You had left them. The minute you'd saw the falling rocks, the destruction of the only border between peace and war, you'd run. Weaving in and out the crowd, moving with the current. Praying that you wouldn't end up like so many of the lifeless bodies you'd seen along the way.

And you had left them. The only two people who you would've missed, gone.

The pain of it all was unbearable. Your mental curses, all aimed at yourself and your stupidity, your cowardice, your lack of sense, drove you deeper into your shell of misery. This was who you were. A girl who could've changed your future. Your parents' future. And you were safely escaping on the boat.

You wanted to scream. Add to the noise of those around you, add to their wails - you had just as many reasons, just as many thoughts scraping away at your mind. Stupid. Stupid stupid stupid. Dumb. Dumb dumb dumb. Coward. Coward coward coward.

The nails on your fingers were bloodied and torn from clawing at the boards around you in desperation. You didn't care. You couldn't feel it. All you felt was regret. Your choices, your actions, your consequences, all because you were afraid. Too afraid. Too afraid to do anything.

Coward.

Why you? Why did you have to be such a wimp? Why couldn't you be brave for once? Why couldn't you be more like-

Your train of mind stopped just as quickly as it had started as a flash of long black hair darted in front of you. The girl from school. The girl from yesterday.

Mikasa.

"Mikasa!" you screamed, flinging yourself off of your sitting position and stumbling over to her. Your heart thudded in your chest. Maybe you hadn't completely failed. Maybe this wasn't all your fault. Because Mikasa was here, and she was your friend, and she was fearless.

So your hope drained from you like tears from the passengers all around when you saw Mikasa's face. She was dirty and covered in scrapes, her hands swollen and bloody. Her eyes red and puffy and her face was scrunched, cheeks red. The boy behind her - Eren, the only other person you'd seen willingly hang around her - didn't look much better.

"...Mikasa..."

"...[Y...y/n]...?" Her expression switched from defeat to shock as she said your name.

You both stood there for a few moments, eyes wavering, unsure as to what to say. Finally you broke the silence. "You're here! I'm - it's nice to know you're okay." The last sentence was said halfheartedly. You'd wanted to say more, to hug her, or do something other than speak, but the look of emptiness in her gray eyes had lulled you into a strange undertow.

She simply stared at you, mouth agape in a small circle. After a few moments of nothingness she said, "I need to go."

"-Wait, wait, don't...!" The boat beneath you encountered a jarring wave. Your head was in a downward spiral, spinning and pounding your brain against your skull, stomach sinking like a stone in the sea.

If you lost her now you might lose her forever. Who knew where she and Eren would go after this? Who knew where you would go after this? Who knew if there was even a place to go to? Was there really someplace that hadn't — and wouldn't — be or become destroyed?

You started moving. Something twitched in the back of your mind.

Scaredy-cat.

Stop reminding me of what I've done, you wanted to tell your conscience, stop.

Wuss.

I know that I lost my parents because of that! Stop! I lost them! I know!

Coward.

You stopped. You stopped running, panting like a dog from your aching muscles, your raw emotions, and reached out and you did what you had wanted to do all along, what you had wanted to give the girl in the red scarf ever since you had seen her and her emptiness.

Her waist was small and your arms overlapped themselves, and you ignored the little 'huh' she made, because you needed this, she needed this.

It was the first hug you'd given someone in a long time.

It was the first time Mikasa had broken down in front of someone - ever.