Being Trapped In Emotions

Needed You More

As he goes on about needing me I feel so bad now? and it makes me wanna just hug and kiss him all over again? He makes me wanna just stop talking and just start kissing? I need to stop feeling so sorry but I can't? Me- Okay Dad I get I'm so sorry about what happened to you, and I'm glad you feel this way about me. I feel the same about you but I just wish that We didn't have to keep this a secret? I wish that we could just be able to be together without having to hide how we feel about each other to Mom? do you get what I'm saying? Dad- Exactly what I was thinking? Look sweetie you don't have to be afraid or worried about your mother? She has her own things going on, and right now all I want you to do for me is accept the fact that she's never gonna find out about us unless you tell her. If you wanna tell her you can, but if you don't then I totally understand, It's not anything wrong with us it's just that I don't think you can take what I'm giving you right now? Me- No But I want too? I wanna keep doing what were doing and keeping everything right back where it needs to be? Your good at what you give and I wanna know that I'm safe and protected from hurt or danger if that makes sense. whhat I'm really trying to say is that I wanna be with you and then I don't want to? I want you then I don't I keep going back and fourth and I Just... ( Kissing) Yes right there and then he kissed me, hopeing that I would stop talking and start kissng him back and I did! I couldn't help but have too, he was more than my dad now he's like a clingy boyfriend and  how would you get rid of that?As we kept kissing we rushed into the bathroom to finish. He was all up on me and I was all into him! His tongue in my mouth and my tongue in his mouth, We were touching and pushing up into things. I sat on the counter in the bathroom as he was kissing all over me. I still didn't change but I needed to get to bed? I haven't slept since I was at Kevins? Well actually I did but still I'm way past tired right now. While we we're doing that I heard my sister walk down the steps? I guess hse was getting something to snack on or just trying to hear what was going on in the bathroom. We didn't moan or anything but we did keep hitting things in the bathroom. Me- Dad, dad I have to change and you need to get some rest? You have to go now. Dad- Okay but.... ( Heavy Breathing) You have to sleep with me Please? Me- I don't know I need to sleep and You have to sleep too, we can't keep having sex and then going to bed okay dad? Dad- Fine yeah... okay I'll see you in my room then. Me- Yeah okay. For the first time I am actually going to my dad's room to sleep? I haven't been in there before and I'm scared to see what it's like. He walked out of the bathroom as I was about to get dressed and then went to his room. I closed the bathroom door and started changing I wish there was a way to just... I Don't know  stop him form seducing me into doing things? I mean I love it but I hate it so much it's really hard to me because I'm kind of like a peoples pleaser and if he's not happy then I'm definetly not happy. As I walked out the bathroom I had to go to my dad's room and sleep next to him again. I mean I would call the police and stuff but I just can't pull it together. I mean He's not making me do anything I don't wanna do trust me I always wanted to this with him ( weird right) But I need like Trojan or something before I can do all this in one dat I mean I've had sex like.... Three to Ten times all my life and now I have do something about it maybe. I opened the door and it's kind of dark and it's warm? it smells like cookies and men cologne? the bed is straight out in the middle coming from the wall and they have dresser near the door. I feel weird and yet happy to be in here finally. He was putting his clothes away and Straightening up for me. Me- You didn't have to do that ? Dad- I wanted too. I didn't want to have you in a dirty room full of laundry? Me-  Okay I accept that from you. So which side of the bed do you sleep on? Dad- I always sleep on the left but hwatever your okay with I'm okay with. Me- Okay that's cool. We both lay down and he puts his arms around me as we're laying down. I put my hands down on his waist and  he kissed me good night as I was also praying too.