Being Trapped In Emotions

Today's The Day

As my mom came back to the car after that long talk she was fliping her hair and waving goodbye to Mr. Carter as I like to say. They seemed like they were begining to have a little crush on each other but I'm not really sure at the same time. Anyways so she opened up the car door and got in right away. She seen me sitting on my dads lap and was wondering how and why? Me- It's a long story mom. So what were you and Carter talking about? Mom- Look sweetie to us he is just a police officer and he was telling me that Someone just got murdered down on Bookbury Lane? I wonder who it could be? Me- Oh crap! Mom- What sweetie? Me- Nothing I was just shoceked that someone else got murder? I hate when that happens why. My little sister was beginging to tear up a little because she didn't want to get killed By her boyfriend you uses her for sex and her body. I held her hand and gave her a smile that it was gonna be just fine and that I wouldn't let him touch her not even by a long shot. My dad was smiling back at me and holding my other hand close to his heart. I can't explain how me an dmy dad have this... this weird thing going on But I still love him like a father and a best friend. This One time In Summer me and my dad had went swimming at the Public pool and we had played a game called '' Down Under'' So you have to hold your breath for as long as you van under water and if you don't then you had to dunk the player if they didn't do it. We use to have som much fun but that was like whem my sister was still a tiny baby learning how to walk. But My example is that He was like a best friend back then to me and I am glad to still have him around me to make me feel better about almost anything  like I do to my sister sometimes. It's Nine at night and we still have a long drive to go until we get home. I can't wait I'm tired, Bored, Hungry, Sleepy, Sad and definetly not Satisfied and a little curious. But all that in one body is like Huge Anxiety for me and I hate cause when I have anxiety I get very hpyer and uncontrolable! But my dad loves that side of me. So Look I guess I can tell you what happened back then with me and my dad? It's a typical and or disturbing story for me but I still forgive him now. When I was about Sixteen to Seventeen My Dad and I would dream about each other? We would eat together like couple and we would sleep next to each other everytime my mom would go out. My little sister would always be sleep in her little princess bed and I would always be her babysitter. One Time me and my dad had got really, really close in the kitchen and we Like... Kissed that night. I felt like I was his wife instead of mom but then I started to feel bad so I had stopped. We use to kiss each other everytime we went to bed but We wouldn't let anyone see or suspect a thing. Back Then He was always a sneaky person to anyone he met but I was his daughter and he was my dad Everybody would've thought that was weird if I told them and which I still have to tell my mom the whole thing which I hate. Anyways he use to thrust on me everytime We were in the kitchen and I bumped into Him. It was really hard for me to just stop and say  ( Hey your married I'm your daughter and if you do that to me again I will call the police?) I was sixteen and I didn't know what from what? I was always a wacky dumb teen and I needed to grow up. Now I'm like eighteen and I find my dad Very Attractive? Why is that. But Like I said we use to get along better and then we started having sex all the time until I was seventeen. I know it's probably bad that I never told anyone but it's true I never wanted to call the police on him for that, I never wanted anyone else to know about it. I was in love with my dad more than anything and I still am. But my mom would beat me up , then  beat him up then arrest me and him then they would make us live together why her and my little sister moveed out. I don't want that to happen at all but that's all I can tell you and that's all I think about everyday It's always just me and him. My dad still wants it and  I'm not sure if I can give it to him? I know I should stop talking like that but it's true I don't know what to do about it and well I have to fix this.