Happy and Sad // SOLBY

one (sorry wattpad is messing with my stories)

Colby POV.

Sam was talking to me but all I could think about was what they had said earlier, or what i overheard them say.

***Flashbackkk***
"God, gay people suck," -corey
"I know right," -sam.
"Yeah they get all this special treatment for their rights," -corey.
"Yeah and its actually kind of gross," -sam
"Exactly my point they are disgusting," -corey
***end***

"Colby,"
Sam pulled me out of my train of thought by snapping in front of my face.
"Yeah,"
"Are you even listening to me,"
"Y-yeah,"
"Ok good, now as i was saying Im going out with Katrina later so I was wondering if you could edit the video today,"
"Yeah yeah sure,"
"Thanks thats great," he smiled. "I have to go get ready see you later,"
"See ya,"
I walked up to my room and jumped on my bed to get ready for a night of editing. As i got everything set up my thoughts slowly started to get louder.

Youre such a fucking fag. Why cant you be normal like everyone else.
You cant do anything right and youre useless. Nobody likes you and youll never get a boyfriend.
People think your a freak and nobody wants you here.
Youre parents think youre a disapointment hell you are a disapointment youre also worthless.
I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes, until Sam opened my door.
I wiped my eyes and stared at my laptop pretending i had been editing this whole time.
"Oh great youre already editing," Sam said as he stepped into my room.
"Yeah, might as well get it done," i said trying to sound happier.
"Ok, well im going now see you maybe tomorrow," he was walking out of my room.
"Yup, bye," he closed my door and i waited until i heard the front door close before checking if anyone else was home.

"COREY, ELTON, AARON, DEVYN,"
I got no responses and all their keys were gone so i ran back up to my room to try editing.

My thoughts started to get louder and louder as i started editing.
Fag.
I tried ignoring them, but it was getting harder and harder.
Worthless. Useless. Dumbass. Disapointment. Ugly. Fat.
I started crying as i shut my computer.
Just stop trying with life.
I cried harder as a got up and went to the bathroom.
Nobody wants you here, nobody wants a fag.
I frantically searched my drawers for my blade but it was gone.
Cut yourself you worthless fag.
I looked into the mirror and slowly started to see myself for what i really am.
God youre such a fucking fat and ugly faggot.
I ran to the garage because I knew Elton had to have some razor blades in there, or at least a boxcutter. The door was open so I just ran in there and looked through his toolbox. Bingo. The blades were in a boxlike package, i took three, and ran back up the stairs making sure to put the box how it was. When i got to the bathroom i quickly rolled up my sleeves and stared at my arms.
I hadnt done this in so so long, i thought i was done with it forever. But my thoughts, the voices in my head were too strong.
Do it. You worthless fag.
I picked up a blade slowly and started to drag it across my wrist, watching the blood run down my arms i did it five more times.
After i finished i threw my blade on the counter and slid to the floor crying even more than before if that was even possible.
After a half an hour of crying on the floor i turned on the sink and started cleaning my arms so i dont get infected.
When i went back in my room i saw that it was already eight o'clock.
"Shit," i opened my laptop to edit as quick as i can, knowing ill be up till at least one editing.
Sigh. I was so disapointed in myself. I never wanted to do that again, it makes me feel so weak, but so good at the same time. Whatever.
I continued editing until I was finished, which was 1:30am.
As i put my laptop away and layed down i started to cry again.
My thoughts like a lullaby singing me to sleep.
Worthless.
Useless.
Ugly.
Fat.
Disalointment.
Fag.
Just die already....
"No," I whispered crying myself to sleep.

Fackkkk im sorry that this is a sh*t story abd its really depressing so far but it will get better in the future I hope. Again sorry for this i just got the idea to write at work and i had to write it out a little. But now i have two stories to update so ill keep you posted on when ill post.

This is like days later but still cant figure it out.

READ MY OTHER STORY BEANIES AND SWEATSHIRTS// SOLBY