Truth

Please don't judge me..

Breaths can be such weird things, they cause your chest to heave ;your guts to contract and your head to feel light...My head is light. Ooo and child don't get me started on the butterflies which are dancing in my stomach , the intrigue which furrows my brows and causes my heart to skip beats. But in the presence of such a controversial figure who wouldn't be ..nervous is that the word. Afraid.... intimidated I wonder why I feel this way, I ponder my thoughts as I make my way towards  the bright lights. Lights are blinding , vision is hazy and my knees are beginning to do the buckling dance; the world becomes a carousel and spins giddily.

"Jai, you are next in line to interview Chris , we want a good story; don't be afraid to go for the jugular, we all know he is a piece of work, we need you to subtly work the feminist angle , push his buttons a little, it's good for our ratings." I'm jolted back to reality by the callousness which exudes through those gently spoken words, this is the interview I had been waiting for, the one to make all feminist rejoice; I feign confidence , lift my head up and make my steady strides towards him. 

His eyes meet mine, and I feel a jolt; this is not a sexual jolt, no this is the jolt you feel when your eyes make four with a young child who has just been scolded. His vulnerability reaches out to me and wraps it's arms around my heart. My soul suddenly aches and the maternal urge to give a warm hug and wipe away tears grabs me , before the cold reality of the situation slaps it away.

"You seem nervous" his raspy voice breaks through my thoughts, my eyes once more meet his , as they examine his facial features his freckles which are strewn along his structured check bones, his slender nose, full lips and brown eyes. It's his eyes which seem to scream out help me. I inhale deep taking in his scent; " It's my first time interviewing a major star, you smell quite nice though" my voice is surprisingly warm and tender as it slides out my mouth, and a smile lazily crawls across my lips. His eyes gradually change as they peer into mine.

"Your eyes peer into souls" I say with a calmness that shocks me; "I know because I tend to do the same, I believe a person's energy says more than words." His furrowed brows unfurrow and his clenched fist loosen ,his eyes radiate warmth now, and a smile makes it's way across his face. " I like your energy" he almost whispers, his southern accent warm and tender. "I'm glad you do" I say with a smile, my smile doesn't last for long though and pangs of guilt stab through my chest. "Chris, I'm going to cue you in on something, Shine On! caters to young girls.." he leans in gently and delicately rests his hand on my shoulder, "They're using you as bait aren't they.." his gentle tone is oddly comforting , I feel my head nod in shame. 

His shoulders slump as his eyes become filled with angst and sadness, I gently stroke his hand suddenly feeling the need to comfort the man which had seemed so intimidating mere moments ago, he grips it and gives it a tight squeeze as a small smile forms across his lips. "You seem so motherly" he says with such a childlike innocence that I blush. "I'm way too young to be your mother Chris", "How old are you anyway" he says as his eyes reveal a sense of intrigue I give a playful smirk "Guess" .

His eyes light up as the vein which was once pumping on the side of his head gradually shrinks, "Hmm, 24?" he says playfully , "In the next four years yes" I feel his eyes as they examine me thoroughly, he smiles "Well you do have a young face, a cute little baby face" He gently pulls my cheeks which are warm and definitely red, I scold myself internally. "Do you have a thing for baby faces?" he cups my face in his hands"They remind me of innocence, I feel the need to protect when I see girls like you"

"So you're protective then?" I stammer my insides suddenly overtaken by the sheer chemistry which is being felt in the air; "Jai we have the camera crews ready you are hot in 3" I jolt back into action as he smiles at me knowingly. The cameras are now directly in my face and the heat of the bright lights cause me to sweat a little

"It's your girl Jai reporting live from the VMAs and I'm joined by the bad boy of R & B ..Chris Brown. Breezy how are you feeling about tonight?"the words flow effortlessly out of my mouth as practiced , rehearsed and carefully planned; our eyes once again make four and the air is static. "I'm feeling pretty good , I'm just grateful for the fans you know without them I wouldn't be here" his words are genuine and tinged with sadness, although spoken confidently and with a smile. 

" Go for the jugular " those words are hissed through my ears, they burn a hole right through them , causing heartburn and slight indigestion; I breathe in deeply : "Inquiring minds would like to know Chris are you ready to hang up your bad-boy persona and fully embrace being daddy breezy for Royalty's sake?" 

Time seemed to stand still as I examined his face; I could feel the determination radiating from his eyes the static air suddenly was electrified, he leaned into me slightly a warm smile escaped from his lips ; "I know I'm not the poster child of like perfection or anything, but I think of roro all the time and she's my inspiration to improve, I know that I give a lot of trouble but for her I try." his words are genuine and it exudes from his face, whatever plan to rile him up in that manner had definitely back-fired; I'm assured of this by the sound of my studio manager's voice rippling through my ear piece in a fervent haze of desperation and thinly disguised disgust; " Ask him about the Drake beef!"

I resist the urge to: roll my eyes, suck my teeth or better yet hiss back at the venomous serpent , instead I calmly ask: " So that means no more beefs ..can we see a collab between you and Drizzy anytime soon? "

He breathes in deeply the distain definitely not hidden , I watch his face attempt to fake a smile and I wonder how much it must hurt his cheeks. " Well I can't say that I'm at that level yet, but I'm getting there I mean if he wants to we can , I can be cordial .."

The snakes venom had been planted and it made me feel ill internally; I planted on my best professional smile which caused my cheeks to ache like crazy, a quick glance over at Chris revealed his amusement and appreciation , his hands slyly reached out to mine and interlocked with my fingers . Unbeknownst to me that gesture had caused my fake smile to seem much more genuine and my rehearsed words to have a tinge of sass normally nonexistent within my interviews. 

As my mind falls back to earth it is greeted with the image of his appreciative smile, a warm half hug is given and the interview draws to it's end. Little did I know that it's end would be the beginning of my journey....