Truth

Answers

Nights of intense prayer could not ease my mind this time; I knew that the journey ahead had to be taken and somehow my torn heart was ready and willing to take the plunge. It was so ironic that I had spent a whole night researching Mr.Brown in preparation for an interview that I knew was going to come, but didn't realize his mother's name when she called the same night my brain must've been fried. For this day I wore a dress, it was yellow and fell right below the knee, it was complimented with a light green cardigan to cover the arms and of course a hat a nice little panama hat. I stared at my slight clevage and blushed immediately , thank god I had a brooch.  It glistened in the sunglight my little dove to remind me of Jesus love.."Oh dear lord, I hope I don't start quoting scripture" I muttered out loud. 

The mansion was large yes large, but not what I expected my eyes widened as I observed the numerous large murals of cartoons on the walls, I found myself amused by them . I ended up staring at them for over ten minutes; I was jolted out of my staring by a familar raspy voice.." I see you like my art, that one took me two days.." in my daze I replied " It's so big and pretty!" I felt his eyes on me , I felt my face flush, I stammered in spite of myself; "I-I'm so sorry I must have kept you waiting..." , " I don't mind , I liked watching you " he smiled at me and I felt the butterflies dance in my stomach, I found myself staring at his chest , I looked away just as fast.You see church girls aren't supposed to find badboys appealing , we're to find solid men of god ..never mind that half those men end up falling for girls in pornos and video vixens but I digress.

" It's ok to stare baby girl.." his words were playful and more flirtacious than I liked, he reached for his cigarette and the good girl instict ticked in, " If you don't mind I really don't like smoke it makes the chest tight."the words flowed so smoothly and were so sickenly sweet that I felt the need to throw up, I shuddered a little anticipating the worse. "I'm sorry ma'm " his words were genuine and the cigarette went back to the box. " You know normally I wouldn't do that , but somehow you make me want to go inside and put on a shirt and shit" his facial expression is relaxed as he places his hand over his head, his eyes continue to observe me . Suddenly I feel the need to cover my chest with my cardigan, " Yellow definitely suits you , it brings out your eyes" I feel my face turn red "T-thanks" I stammer as I walk away my eyes now drawn to another mural. 

I suddenly feel the breeze rip through my hair, I turn around to discover that my hat had been snipped. "Heeey" I yell as my mouth curls up into it's familar pout , "It's bad manners to take other people's things!" I try to sustain giggles as he reappears hat fixed firmly on his head as he does a silly little chacha dance before gliding it down his body and tossing it back to me. As I fix my hat back into place I feel his eyes on me once more . I muster a little courage; " Chris could you stop eyeing me please " my voice is quite soft but it's as firm as I could make it " I'm sorry , it's just I haven't seen a girl be so ..covered in a long time..it's just the perv in a man baby." his words are light and carefree I glance at him as his head hangs sheepishly down, suddenly he is on his knees and holding my hand; "I Christopher Maruice Brown solemly apologise from the bottom of my balls!" my eyes open up in sheer amusement as he bursts out into a fit of laughter.

I fix my gaze on him suddenly fascinated by the specimen in front of me; "You know if I didn't know you were 28 I'd think you were my age." he suddenly straightens up his tone more calm and direct; " I get that alot, I'm a big ole kid on the inside in fact imma be backflipping at 90!" his radient smile causes me to feel at ease , I no longer feel like prey and I losen up; " Do you think you'll live that long?" his face is now contemplative; "I'd like to..I want to be around for a long time for Ro you know" , he slides down to the floor and stretches out his feet the sun radiates off his skin causing his feckles to look like little sunbeams, his eyes are wide and bright the bags under them seeming to fade with the relaxing of his facial muscles. I daintily take a spot next to him, taking the time to ensure that all was indeed still covered and not exposed to the male gaze, I turn to him, my face is laced with concern my words are firm but gently spoken; " How are you going to do that if you don't take care of yourself?" I feel his body draw closer, his eyes meet mine: " Who are you my momma?" his words are passionate but not angry, I ride a wave of courage: " No but I know that you are stubborn, I can see it in your eyes ", he snickers at me before reaching out to play with my brooch, I slap his hand away on reflex. " You're scared of me  aren't you?" his eyes pierce into me with a passion that sends shivers down my spine, my heart pounds but my answer is calm; "I'm scared of everything, but no you don't scare me."

"Then why are you so jumpy?" his voice is so genuine and sad that it almost breaks my heart,my response is honest and swift; " I've never had a guy like you stare at me before, it's just new to me you know", " When you say a guy like me do you mean a thug?" , I glance at him my eyes honest and vulnerable "I don't know..it just makes me feel fluttery", he cups my face in his hands his eyes are ablaze with fatherly concern " You're a virgin aren't you a little innocent virgin, why the hell are you here...you're too innocent for this job and it shows ." he reaches out to adjust my cardigan , my mind is taken aback at his sudden change in attitude, the mental shock is physically manifested on my face. "Good girls like you shouldn't hang around men like me ...our mind is fixed on one thing and thats something you don't want to lose." I nod my head in spite of myself before returning his gaze; " Do I remind you of Royalty ?", his voice is tender and firm.."You're a baby still ...I mean I know i'm far from the example of holy men but shit, I get scared for girls like you out here in these parts, because you always end up getting screwed over by the first man to pay you a compliment..." his voice has risen and is firm his words shake me to my core. 

I stand up slowly, gradually regaining my composure; the interview is offically scheduled for 8:00 that gives us an hour to prepare , "I'm going to go and check in with the studio crew you can find a shirt , be ready by 7:45 " my tone is surprisingly brisk and professional. His eyebrows raise , I feel his eyes on me as I walk towards a secluded spot to focus. Dear Jesus please help me..