Truth

Doubts

I could feel my mouth become ajar; I quickly rectified that or so I thought - his amused expression seemed to indicate otherwise. "Why are you pretending- it's not like you're really that interested in my personal interests; I'm a deviant thug remember?" his tone was both sarcastic and genuine- he had ,had experience with enough yellow journalist to know their game. I shuddered a little in my sparkly heels-could it be that my cover was fully blown?

"Are you really a thug Chris ; or are you just self-destructing?" my voice had once more taken a life of it's own, this time around it was oozing with passion and concentrated with concern. He glared at me; his eyes filled with an angry vulnerability - I had hit a nerve. " Let's say I am self-destructing ; its not like anyone really gives a f**k , do you know how many people wish I'd just overdose already?" his voice rose to a impassioned quiver and although it bounced angrily off the walls, it revealed an emotions quite different to such- loneliness, pain and empty frustration. I decided to play devils advocate; " So why don't you just do it then?" my tone was harsh intentionally so - my heart pounded his reaction was unpredictable.  

To my surprise he laughed slyly and shook his head; " And give them what they want, I'm way too stubborn for that shit; I am not that easily broken baby girl." I returned his smile and decided to continue my prodding: " Do the drugs numb the pain?" ; my tone was calm and gentle my delivery sharp; " Sometimes" his reply was swift but not delivered in a testy tone; on the contrary he sounded like a broken man. 

I watched as he slowly made his way over to the dressing table; the confident stride a little less confident, the steps steady and calculated, he eventually sat on the solid wooden bench, feet spread widely apart. His eyes were soft now ; vulnerable - the man that moments ago seemed so sure and confident was now uncertain and scared.

" You know , you don't play the role of thug very well-" , 

" I never tried to be a thug ; people made me out to be one- " 

" I can see that now"

He glared at me, his eyes giving away his frustrated embarrassment; "No one likes an emotional woman beater -" his voice revealed his raw pain; I continued my probe. " Must be hard to hurt someone you love-" He sighed deeply; " She was too good for someone like me; both of them were- I'm an asshole if you didn't realize"- he gazed his face stony and serious; " Me and love never works out right; so don't fall for me babyface." I quickly jumped back,by the time words came to my open mouth I was in full stammer mode; " W-what makes you think I'd do that, I'm a professional not a groupie thot." 

I felt his hands as they swiftly pulled me into his lap; his grip was firm as he set me down on his knees; I could feel his bulge - this caused me to blush fervently all desire to fight off his blatant advance had dissipated due to my shock. He gazed seductively into my eyes as his hands went to work ,pulling my skinny straps down and revealing my black full lace bra. I squirmed in delight as his fingers gingerly played with my erect nipples, I quivered in ecstasy as his mouth latched on to one of them, he looked up at me with a seductive smirk; caressing my breasts gently as he eagerly sucked on my very sensitive nipples. I let out a deep moan; before he proceeded to put the girls away before returning me to my original state.

He cupped my face in his hands, the sly smirk making a return; "You like me because I'm forbidden- if I was a cold hearted nigga I would've already ravaged you; but I'm not." I leapt up suddenly feeling exposed and vulnerable; I grabbed a large towel to cover myself with- I was shook. " Don't act like you didn't want it baby girl-" he closed the gap between us with a deceptively comforting hug; " I'm not going to ravage you; you're too emotional for the dick." I stared up at him ; my eyes revealing my frustrated anger; I came back to my senses and gave him a hard shove.

"You liked it, it's ok to admit it; look I won't tell your priest - but you can't come up in a man's space being all deep ; looking all thick and not expecting something to happen." his voice was quivering, a quick glance down revealed his ever present bulge- somehow I had awaken the beast. " Why did you do that- to me?" I stammered still shaken and confused. 

"I'm horny and you're here." his reply was swift and blunt , "It's not like you're unattractive " I blushed ; he noticed: " Yes, I am attracted to you." I gulped in disbelief , "I'm not that pretty" ; he gazed at me his eyes soft his voice genuine; "Baby-girl you had me on edge from the first interview-you're very cute." 

I was still in shock; he continued on- "I like down-to-earth girls , they're easy to talk to and they don't judge; you happen to be very down-to-earth and innocent it's ...sweet; I genuinely like you- no fronting."his voice was sincere . I became less tense; "hey do you like anime?"

He smiled broadly; "I love anime and cartoons, it's how I escape you know." 

"I wouldn't have guessed you were so nerdy underneath your 'thug act'."

"There are many things about me that people don't guess, they just assume"

"So tell me what's your favourite sport?"

"Basketball ..duhh"

"Why do you like sports any how?"

" I like to be active and be around other people I guess."

"For such a supposedly difficult person ; you seem to like a lot of teamwork"

" Maybe I'm not that difficult?" his tone was relaxed he smiled eagerly it was almost as if he was glad for my genuine company. The big bad lion wasn't so scary afterall; the exterior was rough but the interior gentle - vulnerable even; the differences that were once so glaring seemed to dim . We were more alike than I thought.

The conversation took on a life of it's own as the night wore on; I checked my watch only once to find that it was 1'o clock in the morning. 

"Hey it's past midnight" 

"What's the matter babygirl is it past your bedtime?"

"Well actually it is"

"What time do you sleep anyway?"

"Round 10, 11 if I'm being a rebel; what about you?"

"I don't really sleep, I'm like an owl ..nocturnal"

"What keeps you up?"

"Her face"

"You get nightmares don't you?"

I watched as he looked up to the sky, his eyes starting to fill with tears; he sniffled before sucking up the tears that wanted a release so badly.

"More like night terrors"

"How do you cope?"

"Drugs"

"You must hate being alone"

"Sometimes, other times I don't mind "

"What causes you to not mind?"

"Well if I'm in nature you know on the beach , in a tree or something; then I just imagine"

"I do that too sometimes, I like to look at the ocean it's calming"

He turned to face me, his face sheepish and eyes heavy; " Can I cuddle with you?"