Truth

Sweetheart

May 19th, 1999

"CHRISTOPHER!" Christine's voice ran through the entire house, causing the platoon of rowdy boys to halt in their tracks and gaze at their hyperactive ring leader - who was currently in a state of stunned shock.

"CHRISTOPHER MAURICE! if you don't stop jumping on my beds and get your high yella, big-headed, skinny behind to sleep I'm going to send you home!"

The cousins formed a ring to discuss the seriousness of this case, in other words, they glared at Chris and said:

"Mane, Chris why you keep getting us into mess- if you don't cool it , we not finna share our Mike n Ikes with you"

"And we not gonna let you play Super Mario with us"

The threats worked, as they knew it would their cousin while hyperactive and a little mischievous, was definitely scared of Uncle Donell and addicted to Mike n Ikes , Gummy Bears basically all the sweets. 

They liked Chris he was fun- even though he could talk your ears off and about the weirdest stuff like aliens and all kinds of nerdy things. The girls in the neighborhood really thought that he was "sexy" cause he could sing like Usher and dance like Michael. 

But we knew his secrets, deep inside - Chris was a big baby nerd, up to this day he still is; don't get it twisted. Yeah we know what these fans be thinking, but Chris used to wet the bed sometimes and he cried watching Titanic ...Oh and not to mention Finding Nemo when the moms died. And he was super huggy, like fam.

 Ahem

Back to the present

I watched her as she danced to the sounds of Mariah Carey; clearly believing that she was all on her own. Little did she know, I had my camcorder; her body moved in such a fluid motion- she was learning from one of the best and it showed.

I loved her love for music from my childhood, it made me feel less old. If I was to be real with you I was the one to teach her new songs and introduce her to different types of artists; Jai was a little old fashioned a big homebody- but then again so I was I.  

Yeah, that's right; I like being home watching weird documentaries and playing videogames more importantly spending time with Royalty and my family and true friends. I can remember when I grew tired of the club. 

September 3rd, 2017

I was on my 8th bottle of vodka, and my words were far beyond slurred; the lights started to make my eyes hurt- my throat was dry and I had vomited at least seven times. But I had an image to uphold; everyone else was also wasted and I'm a mega- superstar. So I used that to my advantage.

That was the first major orgy that I had in my Tarzana home, it was also a blur. It got me yet another accusation of sexual assault. 

The hangover was the worst.

Something had to give, as I gazed at my puffy eyes crusty lips, and disheveled appearance I thought back to 15-year-old Chris- excited fresh-faced, beloved.

I saw her face flash before me, bruised, battered my fault- to make it hit harder I had just released my documentary. Everything was rawer; then I saw another face a reporter's face- Jai's face and in her eyes, I saw love, I saw forgiveness- redemption. 

Now I didn't change overnight - but I can honestly say I don't feel the need to party as much anymore. At least not in those hot-ass clubs, the detox was causing me to realize that I was using way too many vices to distract myself.

When I was in jail- it was food; yeah food-yes I comfort ate. I actually comfort eat, might seem weird given how I don't normally appear fat or chubby. Except for my time in jail, but I move a lot- I'm also ticklish if you didn't know or realize by now.

I'm not as tough as I appear; that's why I get so sensitive and that's why I block so many fans sometimes. You guys can really go for the jugular, and if you didn't know I happen to have things called feelings. And I see the memes, can I just say- ouch.

Anyway back to this vision in my camcorder- uh oh ..

I think I've been spotted.

"OMG, chriissss" 

"Smile for the camera - baby."

"I'm going to get you for this"

"You'll have to catch me first"

Those words were the precursor to the most epic playfight ever, we spent the evening deep in each other's arms listening to the waves as they crashed outside our beach house rental.  I gazed into her eyes - a lump forming in my throat.

My heart was racing, and my palms were getting sweaty- 

"I-I"

"I love you too Chris"

And with that, her hand gripped mine before she gave me one of the most fulfilling kisses I had ever had.

It was official, I was in love.

The thought comforted me and terrified me all at once, but I choose to embrace it - at least in this moment.