Lams Oneshots {COMPLETED}

Worry

I study my ceiling, pointing out as much as I could see through the thick darkness of the room. I slowly shut my eyes and pay attention to the sounds that echo around the room. The purring of the cat, the soft breathing of the man next to me, and the white noise of the ceiling fan all blur together into one sad song.

The boxspring creaks loudly as I turn my body to face the life laying next to me. As he slumbers peacefully the usual creases of his face have vanished, and he for once looks like there's nothing in life to worry about.

Though there's nothing Alexander Hamilton knows how to do better than worry, all of the what ifs disappear when he drifts into dreamland and forgets the world. Forgets about me, forgets about Philip, forgets about Francis, nothing matters in his dreams except his one true desire. I've always hated dreams. They create a false reality in which you could ever truly be happy. Happiness, I believe, is a myth.

Crazy, right? John Laurens the dreamer, he never has a care in the world. I hate that. Of course I care, of course I worry, of course I fret, I'm only human.

Happiness isn't being scared that your son will get shot again by another sicko when you send him off to school. Happiness isn't worrying that your husband still loves his past wife. No one is happy unless they don't worry, but that just makes them easier to hurt because they will never suspect a thing.

My husband stirred and his eyes opened. He looked at me and smiled groggily. "John, sweetheart, please don't worry." He assured me gingerly, grabbing my hand and intertwining our fingers before falling back asleep.

I smiled at him for a moment and squeezed his hand.

For once, my mind cleared. I no longer thought of my father, I no longer thought of my siblings, and all that mattered in that moment was me and my husband. I closed my eyes, and for the first time in years, I allowed myself to dream.