If he was alive [SPOILERS]

My Special Cyborg

Bucky arrived at the house, lost in thought. Steve had barely acknowledged him when he had said he was leaving, and that combined with another nightmare-full night had him feeling pretty low. He went into the living room and sat down. Steve doesn't like me as much as he says he does. Bucky's brain began to torment him. Maybe it's my appearance. He's probably ashamed of having a cyborg as a friend. He'd like me better if  I didn't have my metal arm. He'd like me better if I was an amputee instead of a cyborg. Bucky started crying, his face falling into his hands. But I can take off my metal arm! But then I wouldn't be of use to the Avengers. But Steve would like me more! Bucky smiled at the thought that Steve would like him more, and he walked to the kitchen and grabbed a knife. He had thought it had been only a few minutes, but in reality half an hour had passed. Bucky quickly went to his room with the knife and shut the door. He pulled off his shirt and started to work at the metal plates that connected his arm to his shoulder.

Steve came home fifteen minutes later, going immediately to the kitchen to start lunch. He presumed Bucky was in the living room, so he didn't bother checking. He got out ingredients and a cutting board before reaching for a knife. He found it missing, which was odd to him. "Bucky?" He called. "Do you know where the vegetable knife is?" There was silence. "Bucky?" Steve called again, getting more worried by the second.

"Had Bucky said he was going anywhere?" Steve spoke to himself. "No, he just said he was going home. I wasn't really listening though..." Steve trailed off, realizing how he had barely acknowledged him. His gaze went back to the empty knife slot, and he sprinted to the living room, which was empty. He ran to Bucky's room, breaking down the door in his hurry. 

The scene that greeted Steve was Bucky holding a knife under the middle plate of his arm, frozen from prying it up. Steve ran and ripped the knife from Bucky's shoulder, causing Bucky to wince in pain. Steve firmly clasped a hand over the junction of metal and flesh, slowing slightly the heavy bleeding that was there. Steve held the knife in his left hand, gripping it tightly. "What are you doing, Bucky!?" Bucky doesn't answer, just turns his head away, his hair falling to cover his face. "Why are you doing this, Bucky!? Answer me!" Steve was on the verge of having a mental break down that Bucky would want to hurt himself.

"So you would like me better." Bucky mumbles, eyes filling with tears he tried to suppress.

"What!?" Steve was dumfounded, not believing what he was hearing. His hand slipped from Bucky's shoulder. The bleeding started again, and Bucky winced.

"I thought you would like me better if I wasn't a cyborg." Bucky stated, still looking away. Steve's eyes widen and he throws the knife with such force that it completely embeds itself in the wall. Bucky is startled and as a result he flinches, causing more blood to pour out of his arm. He winces, trying not to show his pain. Steve notices, and he quickly covers the wound with his hand again.

Steve seemed to be struggling with his words. "I... Bucky, I lo-like you for who you are," Steve said, frustrated with himself for his slip up. "I wouldn't want you to hurt yourself to make me happy." Bucky just looks away, tears falling from his face no matter how hard he tried to stop them. Steve slipped his hand to cup Bucky's face, turning it towards him. Steve brushes Bucky's hair out of his face, causing Bucky to work hard not to lean into Steve's touch. "Why do you keep trying to make me happy?" Steve was at the point of crying when Bucky took that as 'Stop trying to make me happy'. "I appreciate it completely, Bucky, I promise. But you do it more than you need to."

Bucky sighed, wiping some tears from his face. "You don't like me as much because of my arm, and so I'm trying to make up for that."

Steve was shocked. "Bucky! You're metal arm helps make you special! It's part of you, and I would never want to change anything about you. I like you the way you are, Buck. No matter what, that will never change." Bucky looked amazed at Steve. "I met a boy a few days ago, when I went to the Captain America exhibit. I told him a bit about you, and I don't know how, but he immediately could tell how much you meant to me. I just wish you could see that too." Bucky's face broke into a small smile, a real one that was so rare it was like finding a diamond mine in your back yard. Steve smiled back, and Bucky went to hug Steve. But the action moved his shoulder, and blood dripped down his chest and arm. Steve quickly grabbed Bucky's shirt and wrapped it around Bucky's shoulder. "Wait here," He said, before running to get a first aid kit.

He came back and started wrapping Bucky's shoulder, replacing his shirt. Bucky sat still, letting Steve's gentle hands take care of him. Steve proceeded to clean the blood off Bucky, and Bucky wanted to protest. But he decided instead to just let Steve take care of him, letting his guard down a little. Steve finished and hugged Bucky, enveloping him in a warm hug. Bucky hugged back with one arm, moving his shoulder as little as possible.

Bucky followed Steve into the kitchen, and insisted on helping with supper. They ate in silence, neither breaking it. "Steve?" Bucky asked quietly.

"Yeah Buck? What's up?" Steve looked up, curiosity on his face, creased with a bit of worry.

"Um... the other reason I... feel like I owe you... is because it was basically you who pulled me out of Hydra's grasp. When I first saw you, it was your face and voice that triggered memories. All my memories that came first included you, and all the other important ones were triggered by another event. I... I don't know how to thank you." Bucky just blurted that out, looking down after. He hesitantly looked at Steve, who was sitting there with amazement on his face. Steve noticed Bucky was looking at him and he looked down, trying to conceal his blush and ignore his racing heart. Bucky noticed his blush, but didn't say anything. 

Is Steve blushing? That's really cute...