If he was alive [SPOILERS]

More Than a Few Weeks Later...

Bucky was pacing around his floor again. It was seven weeks since Steve had gone on his trip, five weeks since he was supposed to return if all went well, four weeks since Steve was supposed to return on schedule, and three weeks since Steve was supposed to return if things went bad.

That was the most nerve-wracking time Bucky had ever gone through. When Steve hadn't returned after four weeks, Bucky had shut himself in Steve's house, which was more like their house, not going out unless it was for groceries. Sam had seen him at the store once and tried to come out and talk, but Bucky had refused.

Now, it was two in the morning and Bucky was wide awake, knowing that he wouldn't sleep that night. Steve had left in December, and the cold from outside penetrated Bucky's heart and soul. Pacing around, he realized he had barely slept since Steve had left, overcome with worry and loneliness.

Bucky finally gave in, reaching for the phone. He took a deep breath before dialling in Sam's number that Steve had given him. He breathed deep and pressed the call button, listening to the ring tone ring over and over again. He suddenly realized what time he was calling and was about to hang up, but Sam answered just in time. "Hey Bucky! Steve had said you might call."

"He did?"

"Yeah. You worried about him?"

Bucky nodded, then realized Sam couldn't see him. "Yeah. You guys haven't heard anything?"

"No, sorry Bucky. I wish I could give you good news. We all wish there was good news. Look, all of us are at the Avengers' tower. Why don't you come join us?" Bucky hesitated, not saying anything. "Would you rather I came over there?"

"Yeah. ...Thanks."

"No problem, Bucky. I'll be right over." Sam hung up, and Bucky went to unlock the door.

Sam arrived soon after, letting himself in. Bucky was sitting on the couch, head down, so Sam went to sit with him. "You worried about Steve?" Sam asked gently. Bucky nodded, tears threatening to overflow. "We all are. We've got everyone looking for him, but there's been nothing." Bucky stayed silent, fighting tears. "He talks about you a lot, you know. Even before we fought you when you were the Winter Soldier." Bucky smiled slightly.

"What did he say?"

"Well, he talked about how you would stand up for him when he was... a bit smaller." Bucky chuckled. "He wouldn't stop talking about how you always ruined his fights. How you would come in just as he was winning." Bucky was laughing loudly now.

"I always came in to save his sorry butt. He would always be almost dead and I would come in, beat up the demons that were trying to murder him, take him home and clean up. He would normally fall asleep there and spent the night. He ended up spending about half his life at my house."

"You mean everything to him, you know? I know he has a weird way of showing it, but it's true. Before you turned up, he would do his work well and he would stay strong, but he had no life in him. You turned up, and it was like somebody remembered to give him his coffee with sugar." Sam smiled. "I asked him once, why he kept working as an Avenger if he had no life in him. His answer was this. I know, I know, I recorded him, but I had a feeling no-one would believe me if it wasn't recorded. Sorry for the bad quality, but my phone was in my pocket." Sam pulled out his phone and searched for a minute before turning up the volume and pressing play. Steve's voice, a little muffled, came through the phone speakers.

"You're wondering why I keep going and doing this when you can tell my heart isn't in it? It's for one special reason. That reason is named James Buchanan Barnes. He would always take care of me, always coming into the fight and stopping it just before I won." Bucky sighed in exasperation, causing Sam to smile. "He fell off the train on a mission when I could have saved him. I could have just reached a little bit farther, and he would have stayed with me. I crashed in that plane for him. I could have been saved, but I didn't want to. I didn't want to live without Bucky, so I tried to end it. Stupid fate only froze me instead of killed me, and I'm stuck without Bucky again. The Smithsonian says that Bucky was my prime commando or whatever they call it, but that's a major understatement. It's more like Bucky was my world. I continue for him. To save others, hopefully so that one day Bucky will forgive me for losing him." The tape ended, and the room fell silent.

Sam looked at Bucky and yawned. "Why don't you go to bed, Bucky. You look like you could use some sleep. Remember, call me if you need anything, ok?" Bucky nodded. "And Bucky? I know it's your birthday next week. Would you come and celebrate with the Avengers?" Bucky looked away.

"Tony and Natasha..." Sam nodded, not that Bucky could see.

"I've already talked to them, as well as everyone else. They've all agreed that for your birthday, for Steve there will be a truce. We'll all be happy and celebrate your hundredth birthday. Steve requested that if he wasn't back we would celebrate with you. Ok?" Bucky looked up and nodded, mouthing a thank you to Sam, who smiled and left, locking the door with the key Steve had given him. Bucky climbed into bed and lay down, knowing he wouldn't sleep until Steve got home, if ever.