The Story of the Saints

Some Strange Things Went Down That Night

Ahhhh, finally. A day to relax. Being the saviors of Steelport, or rather, the simulation, is hard work. But now I have some time to rest. You know... Come to think of it, I'm not gonna have this chance again..

"Hey, Viola! Wanna go into the simulation and look for Professor Genki?" Her head snapped up from the book she was reading (Fifty Shades of Grey? Really, Viola?) and she stared at me, eyes now slits. I'm pretty sure she was trying to be seductive. "Oh yes, Shaundi. I do." She bit her lip and raised an eyebrow at me. Okay, this was getting uncomfortable (even though it's been happening for less than a minute). "Yeah... Anyways... On second thought, I'm a little busy today." She looked down. "Mind if I... Come with you?" she asked, eyes now rising. And what made it weirder was that she used her used her two fingers (middle and index) to make legs that wandered around the desk. You could hear her nails clicking.

God, at this point I would rather Josh Birk be here. At least he's actually a guy. Or, he was at least. We (the Saints) think Johnny, Oleg, and him were on Earth when it blew up. And if you didn't know Earth was blown up... Where have you been?

"Well, you know, Matt's not gonna be going, and I think you'd miss him and stuff..." I'm not very good at avoiding things, as you may be able to tell. "Don't worry... I already took care of him," she smiled pervertedly. Oh god. What did that even mean? Okay, I know what it means, but I really wish I didn't. Now I can't get the image out of my head. I think I'm gonna throw up. I ran towards the bathroom. "Move, CID!" I screamed, pushing him out of the way. 

I didn't really have time to acknowledge the fact that he was listening to "Single Ladies" and had found a mannequin somewhere on the ship and had attached its neck down to his eye... head.. body thing and was somehow controlling the arms and legs. Not to mention he had put Kinzie's lingerie on it. Don't ask me how I knew it was Kinzie's. Let's just say I walked in on her doing some pretty weird stuff once.

Anyways, I rushed into the bathroom and bent over the toilet. God, I hate puking. It's nothing compared to a bullet wound, but it's still incredibly uncomfortable. I'm not gonna go into too much detail about my vomit, because that's just weird and unnecessary, but just know that it's gross. I waddled slowly back out of the bathroom towards Viola. "You know what? Fine. Just come with me. Hell, bring Matt, too." As I stumbled back out I saw Matt sitting on a chair leaning back, spacesuit zipped down uncomfortably low (you may as well say he was naked) and his mouth open. Needless to say, I fainted. Some strange things went down that night.