Far away in an eastern European country, a 30 year old girl is living her life like everyone one of us. She works daily and travels long way in the dusty Bucharest just like so many other people do, trying to face every day for living. Her life see...
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We didn't kiss. We could have kissed but we didn't. We both just stood there, looking one at the other, without doing anything, just looking in each other's eyes, feeling the cold wind on our faces.
I won't lie if I say that, from my point of view, it was better that we didn't do it back then; it would have made no sense, it would have made everything worse maybe. Still, he grabbed my shoulder and pulled me close to his chest, so I laid my head on his shoulder and we stayed like that for quite a long time, without talking, without thinking of anything else, just looking at the London lights that were laying on the horizon, in that cold, quiet summer night of July. I think we both knew, at some point that it was leading to nowhere, so it practically made no sense to start something which had no perspective.
In such moments one comes to think life can be cruel sometimes and starts to cry. Still, I didn't. I just laid there, in his arms, watching everything that was in front of me. I had everything I ever wanted, I was complete, but, in the same time, I had nothing, it was all about to end very soon. I knew it, he knew it. It was all just like I felt it from the very beginning: a dream. But he still held me tight and, in a certain moment, he laid his head on mine, while I put one of my hands on his chest. His perfume was covering both of us and I had the feeling that I was holding the whole world in my arms.
After this eternity of mine passed I raised my head and looked at him. Harry looked relaxed and, as he started to caress one of my cheeks he told me:
- I don't know why some things are meant to happen the way they do, and I don't know why, for example, in these moments I cannot keep away my hands off you. Please forgive me, but... I simply can't... Just let me hold you for some time more... And don't tell that I have lost my mind, please.
In that very second, I felt like I was about to burst into tears. Not tears of sadness but of anger because I would have liked something else and I had to be thankful only with what I had in that very moment. This should have been different! This should have lasted and should have had a continuity! But it didn't! And this was killing me inside.
I stood in his arms for a while, just like he asked me to and then I said, while trying to have my voice on such a tone so that it would not betray what I was feeling inside:
- Harry, I think we should go home now, it's getting really late. I'm afraid I won't be able to get up tomorrow and I will have a lot to do and for sure so do you. More than that, I'm a bit sleepy, so maybe we should leave. I need some sleep and it's getting pretty cold outside...
- Sure, Miha, I'll drive you all the way to the hotel, Harry said while he was easily getting up from the bench. I think we both looked tired in a way and we were also feeling weird in the same time. It was a situation none of us liked too much, but we respected each other so we did nothing more and we said nothing more. As we were walking one next to the other, on our way back, it felt very strange to me we didn't hold hands. I didn't know about him, but for sure I would have liked that to happen. Instead, I put my hands inside the pockets of his jacket as we continued to walk along the dark, silent alley towards the car.
