Broken- And Fixed Again- (A Jamilton Fanfic)

Chapter 10: Snowflakes

//TW: swearing, alcohol, PTSD\\

Alexander

Snowflakes drifted down from an endlessly gray sky, calm and quiet and unfairly fleeting. I sat at the window and watched the flurries as they gracefully fell like tiny white butterflies, blanketing the world in a crisp atmosphere so pure and beautiful it was surreal. Lost to the dazzling sight, I longed to open the window and embrace the chill, longed to feel its feather-like pinpricks against my skin.

A very long time ago, snow was just another thing I thought I'd never have, a dream a thousand worlds away. But here I was, watching as it fell silently, and it was all mine. And I wasn't going to just sit here for another moment, waiting while its cool, soft bliss passed me by.

I slipped into Thomas's room as quietly as I could with every intention of waking him up so we could enjoy the snow together. It wouldn't be fair to hoard it all to myself rather than share its delight with him. I would get to see him smile and laugh and that was always more than I deserved anyway.

Needless to say, I liked spending time with him.

But I paused, hovering over him, something in my chest thrumming to life as I took his sleeping form in. I was just close enough to where I could breathe in the flowery scent of his shampoo. He smelled sweet, but not overpoweringly so, like roses and honey. And he laid there in bed so peacefully, the layers of blankets like a fortress protecting him from a world that only wanted to hurt him. And whatever he was dreaming about was enough to elicit a tiny smile. He looked so...

I don't know. So good.

"Good" by itself didn't really describe it, but then again, there was no word that could. It was a moment so breathtaking in its simplicity, something I wish I could have bottled up and kept, all for myself, to have to remind me that there was still some good in this world. I didn't know much, but I knew was that whatever this was, it felt warm. Fuzzy. And something I never wanted to let go of.

Thomas was his own little island, and I would have given anything to be a part of that beautiful, untainted island.

A part of me regretted stealing the only respite he got from the world away from him, but I couldn't wait a second longer, watching him sleep. Especially if I couldn't be apart of whatever made him smile. So, as selfish as I was, I leaned forward and gently shook him.

"Thomas?" I asked, voice hardly above a whisper.

He groaned softly and shifted, pulling the blankets closer to him. I bit back a smile and tried again, able to feel the warmth of his body even through the thick, cloth shirt.

"Come on, Thomas. It's snowing. I'm gonna go outside. Wanna come with me?"

"No thank you I don't want that."

I forced back a laugh and shook him gently yet again, unsure of what I would do with myself if he didn't join me. "It's snowing!"

"So?" He mumbled something else, but the words were muffled by the blanket and forever lost, but there would be plenty more sentiments spoken only for me, plenty more moments shared between the two of us.

Especially if he would actually get up.

"Come on!" I poked him, trying to get him to move.

Thomas sighed and turned, blinking up at me through a sleepy haze that clouded his eyes. I smiled down at him as I prodded him in the ribs, eliciting a quieted groan of displeasure. A few moments later, he pushed himself into a sitting position and ran a hand through the unruly mess of curls that had become his hair.