Broken- And Fixed Again- (A Jamilton Fanfic)

Chapter 12: The Cat Amongst the Pigeons

//TW: swearing, abuse and manipulation, mentions of attempted suicide, panic attacks\\

Thomas

James gripped my hand tighter, refusing to let go. The anger radiated off of him in droves, suppressed only by his unchanging, unfeeling facade. A vacuum filled the room, a vacuum where sound cannot travel and light only barely pierces, as Lafayette ushered us inside and closed the door behind us. I stopped in the center of the room, my face burning as all eyes fell to me and the boy who clutched my hand like I would disappear if he loosened his grip even a little.

It is days like these that make me wish that was the case.

The pain had mostly faded to a dull ache that was, for the most part, easily ignored. The stitches remained, keeping my arms tied together, and I wasn't dead. So, that was good enough to get me through another day. That's all I have to do. Get through another day. And the rest will come later.

They stared at me, and I was all too aware of the questions that flitted through their gazes but never graced the air. I forced myself to stare at the ground, face aflame, as my mind began to spin to compensate for all the things they weren't saying by imagining all the things they might as well have been.

"Uh, hi," I offered, trying my best not to squirm under their stares. I searched the room, looking for that one single person who could alleviate all the anxeity entangled into a tight ball in the pit of my stomach with just a flash of his signature smile, but he was nowhere to be seen, the absence of his presence a crushing blow that knocked the air out of me. I tried not to falter, tried not to let my disappointment show, but besides me, James scoffed all the same. His grip tightened, and I bit down on my tongue to hold back a wince.

Where was he?

Had I finally chased him off?

"Uh, where's Alexander?" I asked John as he came to stand beside me, keeping my voice as low as I could with James hovering over my shoulder, always scrutinizing every little movement.

"He's coming," John whispered in return, letting his hand briefly skim against my back in a sense of reassurance. The touch was so unexpectedly welcome that it almost knocked me off my feet. "Hercules is getting him right now." At my questioning glance, he shrugged. "I think his phone died or something."

Relief poured through my body, a sweet song rising in volume as the dead of night crept over the land. The weight disappeared from my chest, and suddenly, I could breathe just a little easier.

His words came rushing through my mind just as they always did.

In.

Out.

"Hey, Thomas!" Eliza said with a bright smile, her and Maria fawning over a tiny bundle of fur sitting happily in Maria's lap. She waved me over, and reluctantly, James followed as I went to join them. "How's it going?"

"I'm good," I returned. "How about you guys?"

"Well, we're okay," Maria returned, scratching behind the kitten's ears. "We haven't killed anybody nor have we died so it's one of those days."

"Well, that's always a plus?"

Maria looked up at me, narrowing her eyes. It took me a second too long to realize she was joking. "How would you know? You've killed somebody?"