Broken- And Fixed Again- (A Jamilton Fanfic)

Chapter 32: Waking Nightmare

//TW: swearing, suicide, self-harm, and issues with eating\\

YALL

GUESS WHO FINALLY HAS A GIRLFRIEND

oh and sorry not sorry about this chapter

Alexander

I stand alone in the center of our living room, blinking as something cold travels up the back of my spine. I spin around, trying to pinpoint the way the entire room seems off in a way I simply cannot describe. Questions circle through my head, questions that have no answers and probably never will.

How did I get here? What am I doing? Where is Thomas?

Something was wrong.

I could hear voices.

Voices whispering.

But what are they saying? The infinite sea of stars and blackness they must cross in order to reach my ears distorts them, and they fall upon me as nothing more than the empty cry of an echo down an endless tunnel. And yet, they continue their barrage on my senses, and the music that usually filters through the air, as imagined as it is as long as I'm with Thomas, has abandoned me.

Blue light pours in through the windows. It is unlike any light I have ever seen before. It is cold and distant, and makes the room look even more wrong in a fundamental way that cannot be described, only felt. The air is still and fear sits heavy in my throat like a ball of clay.

"Thomas?" My voice cuts through the air like a knife in butter.

No response.

"Thomas?" I try again.

The whispering grows louder, unbothered by the waves of rising panic that drown out my sense of logic, my reasoning. Instinct kicks in, gripping me with a cold and clammy anxiety that overrides everything else I have ever tried to understand.

I scream his name, looking for my only sense of comfort. It is a prayer, a plea to whatever divine power lurks over us, biding their time. It is my only chance at steadying myself, and for a minute, it almost works. I feel better, to have that comfort that his simple name provides as it rolls off my tongue.

"Thomas!"

But as my cry is answered by nothing but silence, that hope dwindles. And it dies right before me, like a candle flame in an unrelenting storm.

The room spins around me. The blue light seems menacing, almost as though it is mocking me.

Where is your love? it asks as it continues to bathe the room in its heartless glow. Where is he now that you have failed him?

The voices repeat the questions until it feels as if they are all I've ever known, the only words I've ever been able to comprehend. They ask again and again, and again and again, I have no answers.

My entire body shakes in the chill that has crept throughout the room with the absence of my Thomas and the warmth of his inherent starlight, but somehow I manage to step forward.

And then...

A scream echoes through the room.

It paralyzes me, and for a long moment, I forget everything that has ever existed. I forget love. I forget light. I forget warmth and flowers and music and stars and the magnificent, wonderful angelic being who offers me every last one of those things. For a long moment, that scream is all I have ever known, and the way it shakes me to my core is all I have ever felt. It reverberates through my mind long after it has reached a crescendo and fallen from the air, its translucent wings snapping in half.