Broken- And Fixed Again- (A Jamilton Fanfic)

Chapter 25: Kisses and Scars

//TW: self-loathing, ptsd associated with sexual assault, swearing, and some suggestive content\\

HOLY SHIT GUYS WE HIT 4K VOTES AND 400 FOLLOWERS! THANKS YOU ALL SO MUCH, YOU'RE THE BEST! I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!

I seriously want to thank all of you from the bottom of my heart for your continued support. I cherish every single vote and comment you guys have given/written, and it truly means so much to me that all of you enjoy my work.

This book isn't over yet, (unless you all want it to be) and we have a bit left to go, but I just wanted to take a quick second to thank every single one of you for everything.

So, thank you.

And without further ado...

(Edit: awww i still remember how excited i was about that)

~•~

Thomas

It's been a week.

A single week since the sun and moon converged to let their glorious light spill upon me. A single week since color and life and wonder filled the world again, painting a thousand untold pictures with each more magnificent than the last. A single week since I returned to the fairytale I had so often dreamed about and prayed for with every single passed moment and every single heartbeat. It had been a single week since I tasted the free, uninterrupted sky once more, and I had cherished every last second I spent with my soul and body and heart intertwined with the one person I love more than anything else in the world.

It's been a week, a week that feels like lifetimes and seconds all at the same time. Perhaps that's the thing about returning to a beautiful, starlit meadow after so long with my entire being plunged in the shadows. It all feels unreal, supernatural. Every moment of it feels like a dream, like that sleepy haze has descended down upon me and blinded my vision, interrupted my senses. It's that timeless quality of dreams, that unbelievable bliss that encompasses my entire soul.

Of course, there have been moments where I've woken up, trapped in the dead of night, chased away from the comforts of sleep by some nightmarish being or another. Why wouldn't there be? I am nothing without fear. There have been moments where my heart froze, where my mind spiraled, at the sudden thought of it all being a dream and I would have to wake up and be back in that dorm room haunted by the past and all the terrible, terrible nothings that had happened while I lingered, caught between two worlds but never able to see either of them. But every time I had waken with a scream dying on my cracked, dry lips, he had been there.

Alexander had been there, and he held me, and he promised everything would be alright. And for those moments where he was right there, everything was alright. He made life worth living. He made this entire world worth seeing. He made everything better, just by existing and being mine and allowing me to be his.

So, yeah, it's been a week. Perhaps one of the most magnificent, terrible, dream-like, nightmare-esque weeks of my life. But through it all, Alexander stands determined, unbreaking, his hand joined with my hand.

What more is there to say?

I hope that this lasts for as long as it possibly can. I hope that I can stay with Alexander for the rest of my life. I love him. And he loves me. And I've never been happier.

And I'll never be as happy as I am with him.

I gazed up at him through a daze, darkness beginning to pool into the room. But it was New York City darkness, meaning that it came with the streetlamps and those lights flooding through the windows of the skyscrapers and all the miniature, human-made stars that made the city earn its moniker. Alexander's beautiful face basked in the blue neon tint radiating off of the phone we were (supposed to be) watching. His brow was slightly furrowed, wrapped up in the mystery of whatever show we were watching now. I was supposed to be paying attention, I think, but how could I when everything I had ever wanted was right there, our bodies tied together in all the right ways? How could I ever focus on anything else when Alexander was right here, his chest moving up and down underneath my head? I could hear his heartbeat, loud and unrelenting and perhaps the most wonderful song I've ever heard after what felt like a lifetime of silence.