Broken- And Fixed Again- (A Jamilton Fanfic)

Chapter 14: The Roof Where It Happens

//TW: abuse, swearing\\

(Edit: Out of this entire book and everything I've written and edited and poured my soul into, looking back on it, this is perhaps the chapter I'm proudest of and I think that's so sad lol)

Thomas

The moon gleamed through the dirty window, its glow unrivaled even as it broke past the thick, dark clouds that tried to prevent its light from reaching the earth, from dancing across my face as I marveled at its beauty. Such a simple thing, and such a heavenly thing at the same time. How can so many fear the night and darkness when that was the only time the moon and stars were free to shine with all of their subtle power and whispered elegance?

I brushed my fingers against the pane, wishing I could reach out and grasp that light for myself, to feel its tangible presence tingle against my palm. But I would never want to steal its light for the small confines of my room where only I can see it, and prevent the rest of the world from basking in its glow.

I would love to dance on the moon, I think. To watch space swirl around me, its endless black filled with the twinkling stars encompassing my view. What could possibly be more freeing than feeling their unbroken love and protection bear down on my body, their song rising through me and using my voice as their own? I could practically feel the freedom whispering through my veins, becoming part of me as I joined their ranks and joined the stars and the light and the unabridged love. I would soar, with delicate wings carved from stained glass, and never return to the miserable life I was leaving behind me.

I would be free.

A soft, apologetic chirp ripped me away from my thoughts and plunged me back into the startlingly boring reality. I blinked, and the vision of the moon and my boundless dance disappeared like a dream in the hazy morning sunlight.

I sighed, casting a small smile down at the creature resting on the perch, gazing up at me with his two tiny eyes. "Sorry, Dick," I whispered, afraid that any louder of a voice would fracture the perfect night, awakening the beast as all loud voices do in any given fairytale. "I know, I know. You're anxious, but we're about to leave. I promise."

Dick chirped again, as if to remind me that he was not the anxious one. But of course, I did not need reminding. Not as my entire body ached for the warmth only one person could provide, not as my entire soul burned with desire for his presence, his smile.

I closed my eyes and listened, waiting for that telltale slam of a door, separating our two worlds once again. I listened for his hushed mumbling, his constant demeaning tone as he complained about me even when nobody was listening. But there was nothing but that thick, overripe silence that filled the air as night descended. Though part of me feared he would pop out at any moment, I released a sigh and edged the door open.

I scooped Dick out of his cage and set him on my shoulder carefully. Slinging my bag over my other shoulder, I moved through the dorm carefully and quietly, unable to wait to see Alexander again.

He would be so close. And we would be alone. And I could touch him, hold him, feel him as he felt me, unburdened by the staring eyes of so many others picking us apart even with good intentions. I could hear his unaltered laugh, breathing new life into my wary lungs. I could exists alongside him the way I had craved to for so long. The only beings to watch us would be the moon herself and her legion of stars, and they never judged what they saw. How could they? To exist for millennia is too long a time to hold judgements.