The Diary of a Fallen Girl

the boy in my dreams

I had a dream about a boy with a dark soul and soft lips.

It was odd, considering the fact that I had no clue who he was. Somehow, I began to fall in love with him anyways. How silly it was — falling in love with the boy in my dreams. I didn't see him as a make-believe figure, though. Rather, he was a soul that simply couldn't be present at this time and place.

It was months before it happened.

My dreams became slightly more than dreams, if that makes any sense. It was a chilly day sitting next to the water of my favorite lake, and then all of a sudden, he was there. For some reason, I wasn't surprised by this sudden dream come true, (literally).

Sure, I was euphoric, but surprised? No. I had a feeling that I would've met him one day, even if it was only through a particularly lucid dream.

The funny thing is, I didn't know who the boy was. I didn't know what he looked like, either. He was simply a soul, and the appearance of his vessel was whatever I wanted it to be. The first time I laid eyes on him, it was a dirty-blonde, green-eyed boy with a hint of mischief and an utter sweetness about him.

"Nice to meet you," he said to me playfully, and I couldn't force back the grin on my face.

"Hello," I returned, feeling my heart pound in my chest. A giggle escaped my throat, and then in a split second, I was somewhere else, lying in my bedroom and staring at the same boy... er, soul. He was saying something to me, but I couldn't pay attention. I still didn't know who the boy was, but I knew that I was in love with him, and that satisfied me enough.

"Everything can change," he smiled at me, and I didn't understand the meaning of his remark. It didn't matter though, for it was just as beautiful as him.

Fidgeting with the sleeves of my sweater, I tried to steady the thumping in my chest. He must've noticed, because to my utmost surprise, he closed the distance between us, smiling against my lips. I don't think I'd ever felt more love in my life than the moment he kissed me, but I knew that I never wanted it to stop.

He was sweet and gentle, and although we never exchanged words, there was a particular knowledge between us. It felt like I'd known him all my life, but in reality, I still didn't know who he was at all.

Every time he kissed me there was never any hesitation. It seemed as if he wanted me as badly as I wanted him, and then I knew that he was in love with me, too. And thus, it continued.

I was in love with a person who I didn't quite know existed, and he was in love with me too. There was nobody else but us two in the world—quite literally, I must add.

The time we shared was brimming with untapered affection and unending adoration. There were other people, but they didn't matter, and I didn't even know if they existed, anyways. It was just me and the boy in my dreams—who ended up being the boy in my life.

It should've struck me as odd that I didn't know his name. It should've struck me as odd that I couldn't even explain what he looked like, because he just was. He could've been anything and everything, if I wanted. And that's what he was.

It should've struck me as odd that I couldn't even remember the contents of a single conversation that we had. All I knew was that it happened. I knew we talked, and I knew that it was amazing. I fell even more in love with him, quickly and suddenly. And yet, I knew he loved me. 

One day, he said goodbye.

I didn't quite know why, but I didn't question it either. We were sitting on the same dock that we'd met, and a few looks were exchanged. They weren't of sadness, though. They were of anticipation of what was to come.

"What's your name?"

I should've asked the question long ago, but I never felt the curiosity to do so. All I knew was the love I felt for him.

Flashing me a tiny smile, he leaned forwards and pressed his soft and sweet lips against mine for possibly the last time. His kiss didn't fail to make my heart beat as loudly as it did the first time I laid eyes on him.

"You can call me death," he whispered into my hair. Yet, I wasn't surprised. I knew that the boy I loved wasn't really a boy. He was a soul. He was something—I just didn't know what.

Somebody that perfect could only be an angel...

In fact, he was.

I caught a glimpse of the void behind the deep blue eyes of his vessel. I was in love with something deeper within. It was okay, though. He held my hands and his touch told me everything I needed to know. He was the angel of death.

"Can I be yours one day?" I asked, with undertones of fear. His hands were keeping me steady, though.

He didn't answer for a little bit. Instead, he kissed me like there was no tomorrow—and there wasn't. Not for him, at least. I was consumed whole by my love. It smothered me to the point where I couldn't breathe when I looked at him.

"You're already mine," he finally answered, to my content. "We won't be together for a while, though."

I frowned softly. "How long?"

"I guess we'll see," he assured me, and I tangled my fingers in his auburn hair, in need for solace.

"How long," I repeated, to his amusement.

"I don't know. I don't know."

He smiled at me. The answers were written in his eyes, and a pair of black wings unfolded, looking beautiful and sad against the canvas of the starry night sky.

One moment, I was sitting next to the boy I was in love with, and before I could even blink, he was gone.

Nothing felt different, though. I was still in love, even though he wasn't existing in the same time and place as me.

I guess I couldn't depend on the Angel of death for solid answers. It wasn't his fault, anyways. He fell in love with a mortal, and I fell in love with a soul. I knew he was gonna leave from the beginning. It was something that I'd accepted. I wasn't sad, just disappointed.

Something kept me from feeling the loss, though. Maybe it was the knowledge that one day, I would get to see him again, and then we could finally be together without the inconveniences of life.

And thus, the boy that I was in love with, retook the title of the boy in my dreams.

______

This is a short story based off of a dream I had, just last night. It's very accurate in correlation to how I felt things. I was in love with somebody that didn't exist. I always have been, but this time, I finally met him. It was bittersweet.