The Diary of a Fallen Girl

my very last heartbreak

my very last heartbreak came in the form of a boy with cruel, dark brown eyes; eyes that once used to haze over me with innocence and compassion.

He took my heart in one hand, and held mine with his other. His eyes were absentminded and I was audacious, fearless in the face of his callous intention.

One day he was here, and before too long, he wasn't. I had no time to adjust to a life without him. One Saturday night it was intertwined sweaty bodies, promising forever, and the next, it was me on my knees, begging with tears on my cheeks, asking him to stay. He spoke with razor-blade words, and they cut deep.

It is terrifying talking with indifference to someone who used to be your other half. Heartbreak is a complex feeling, but I was daring, and he was willing. He demanded the utmost cooperation and commitment, more than I could've ever offered.

Now, when he smiles with his eyes closed, I'm no longer the one to giggle with him or place a kiss on his forehead. There's no more dreaming of a New York apartment, or having children and a few dogs. There's no more erratic heartbeats and obscure movies. There's no more of us, no more of him, no more of anything.

I've lost my heart, it seems.