The Diary of a Fallen Girl

two sided coin

The fact is,

He is gone for good.

There will never be another night that we lay in bed and gaze into each other's eyes like we are the last two on this planet.

There will never be another date where we hold hands under the dinner table and take pictures together to remember the moments we inevitably wasted.

There will never be another "I love you more" argument that ends with your lips on mine or me kissing your neck to make you giggle and whisper in my hair, "alright, you win."

There will never be another moment when we are truly and wholly together again, never another night where we stay up until 3 in the morning talking about memories we shared, never another time where we sneak into an empty dressing room to make out like the silly children we were.

And finally, there will never be another shot at us. The concept of our souls being intertwined is a dead memory to me now.

But wait—
there's more.

There will never be another night where I cry myself to sleep because you decided you wanted to shoot me down when I was feeling high.

There will never be another time where I feel my heart sink because you tell me to change my shorts into something more modest, or to put your jacket back on to conceal myself.

There will never be another moment where I feel fear in my heart because I chose to talk to another boy for a couple of moments, and you stare us down, ready to lecture me about how I shouldn't entertain other men.

There will never be another screaming fest, and my lungs have months to recover from the last time I caught myself snapping at you for all the times you had hurt me on purpose.

There will never be another argument if there is never another conversation.

I will let you go one day.

— dedicated to a memory of mine