1) You know more about 'Drum Major Jackson' than 'Cousin Jackson' by the first week of August Camp. Including where the former lives and the first name of everyone in his immediate family. This includes dogs.
2) You know exactly how many 'Parkers' are in the marching band and what instrument each one plays. (Three, and flute, alto sax, and trumpet)
3) You recognize a random person from your school band who you've never spoken a word to, don't know the name of, and isn't wearing a band shirt when you're at the local mall.
4) You're comfortable with being referred to as 'short' as long as a band person made the comment. Even if you won't admit it.
5) Even if all of these apply to you, you still watch 'Cousin Jackson' (who is college age) like a hawk at the weekend long family reunion because he's the closest thing you have to marching band if only by name, and you laugh when he comes into your cabin at said family reunion asking for a shovel to kill a rattlesnake and all you have is a metal dustpan.
6) You know what your band crush's trumpet playing little brother in the seventh grade looks like and you question why he is the only one his his family with bright red hair.
7) You feel bad for said band crush's parents for having a tuba player, alto sax player, and trumpet player in the house at the same time. The trumpet, of the three, who was a sixth grader.
8) You constantly wonder which eighth graders from your old middle school section will join you in marching band the next year.
9) You desperately look forward to the day when they DO join you, no matter what section they're in.
10) You also can't wait until their younger sibling joins marching band the year you will be a senior.
11) You tear up during the beginning of the season's 'this is our last chance' senior speech.
12) You cry when you read this:
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13) You also cry when you think about the seniors leaving, even if you barely know them.
14) You look forward to teaching the upcoming freshman how to do marching band. Who cares that that won't happen for another nine months.
15) When you almost bring your marching gloves, flip folder, hat, sunglasses, dot book, flip folder, and personally arranged music to your family reunion out of desperation for more band during the extra long Labor Day weekend.
16) When you're paralyzed with fear over a forgotten assignment that can't be made up or turned in late solely because of how it could effect band.
17) You can play at least one scale on at least one other instrument, even if it sounds like a dying animal. (Saxophone and trumpet. Kind of.)
18) You laugh at everything the drum major does, regardless of whether it is funny or not.
19) You know with utmost certainty that the most questionable things in the school happen behind the doors that lead to the band room and theatre.
20) You remember a story that your band director was supposed to tell the freshman when August Camp came around, and he hasn't yet.
21) You laugh like a manic at cheesy band pick up lines.
22) You find ways to curse in musical terms. ("You son of a Bb!")
23) You get the dirty band jokes.
24) You have the entire show piece memorized even if you aren't actually in the show. Up until Movement 3, but only because you never received the music.
25) Most of your favorite stories to tell are from band camp, football games, or any other band function.
26) You can march, read music, play music, and complain at the same time.
27) You bothered to read this list (and got this far!).
28) You cry when your younger brother/sister refuses to take band because they don't want to do any elective that requires effort. (Bad luck for them, they all do.)
29) You purposely talk louder about band stuff whenever a band student walks by.
30) You willingly wear your band shorts, show shirt, marching socks, jandals, and shako hair in public.
31) You yell at the other band for "stealing your people" right after they visit your side of the field, despite the fact that you literally just did the same to them.
32) You look up this kind of list for fun.
33) You enjoy pep rallies solely because you get cheered for and appreciated by your fellow students.
34) You still get mad when they start cheering at said pep rally before you've finished the school song/fight song/any song period.
35) You strive to have as many band shirts as possible. AMBSAP.
36) You can list everyone in your section (even if you don't know their name).
37) You get triggered when someone behaves aggressively toward your instrument.
38) You often refer to your official joining of the band as 'The Cult Induction'.
39) You understand the stuff on this list.
40) You know your instrument's anniversary. My flute's is September 16th. It's coming up soon!
41) You either read this far because you were interested or you like me as a person (in which case, I'm touched)
Your favorite flutist, author and obedient servant,
