the beekeeper.

parents.

"I'll be gone for two months. It's for work. Do your chores, I'll be back."

"We're going on vacation for a couple of days. Stay over there, hope you have enough groceries."

"We're leaving for a week. Taking vaca. Have fun by yourself."

"Won't be here this Christmas. We're going camping."

"Sorry, can't pick you up. Already been drinking."

"Get her to take you! God both of you are so childish! I hate having to pick you up and take you places!"

"Not this weekend. You just want to leave so you don't have to see me."

"You're always shoved up his ass. Daddy's little girl, DADDY'S LITTLE GIRL!"

"Can't do that. I'm not driving all the way there and all the way back. Sorry. You'll have to go without it."

I HATE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU. I'M SO TIRED OF BEING ALONE. WHY AREN'T YOU ACTUAL PARENTS? WHY DO YOU CONSTANTLY LEAVE ME BY MYSELF AND THINK THAT'S OKAY? I CAN'T BE ALONE, I'M SCARED TO BE ALONE. I DO BAD THINGS WHEN I'M ALONE. I SEE BAD THINGS WHEN I'M ALONE. I THINK OF BAD THINGS WHEN I'M ALONE.

PLEASE FOR GOD SAKES DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE ANYMORE.

PLEASE LOVE ME.

PLEASE LOVE ME.

PLEASE JUST FUCKING LOVE ME.

I DON'T WANT YOU TO GO, STOP DOING THIS.

STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT!!!!

you're going to die alone, andrew.
you're going to die horribly alone.
who will find your body?
maybe the bartender will realize his buddy has been missing for quite some time
and he'll come into your house to see you
half eaten by your own dog
and rapidly decomposing
like beethoven in reverse.
will there be a funeral?
gin and tonic,
set the casket aflame.

i want to sleep but all i can think about is how much i want to be loved
and how much i want to love
to get my head out of my ass and care for someone
all of my friends have surely given up.
andrew,
eli,
val,
burnt with sourness from the acidic radiation i put off
they all tried to love me and i moped even more for it
stopped talking to them all for it
ignored them all for it
distanced myself for it.

maybe death is the right way.
maybe maybe maybe.
maybe death is the answer.