the beekeeper.

birdboy.

honestly,
i don't know why my eyes crave your lanky frame
and i don't know why i drop everything i'm doing at the sound of your notifications.

honestly,
i don't know why i can't reciprocate feelings to the people who love me so dearly
and i don't know why i always turn to you instead.

honestly,
i don't know what i see in your dark eyes
or your stupid, broken face
or your smartass mouth
or your prick personality
or your dumb political views
or your idiotic jokes.

honestly,
if i am being honest,
if i am being truthful,
if i am not lying,
every waking moment is spent wondering when you'll answer my messages
or if you'll even reply at all.

and honestly,
if i am being a hundred percent,
if i am not hiding anything,
i buy you materialistic gifts so you know that i care,
and i always expect you to possibly get me something in return,
but it never happens.

please tell me you care.
even if it's just a little,
even if it's strictly platonic,
even if it doesn't mean anything.
i have given up so much for you.
i left people for you,
and i have broken hearts for you.
i need to know this is going to be worth it in the end.
i need to know soon.