Sometime I wonder how I can continue on. I want to to give myself to so many places at once and set expectations I don't know if I can reach. Simple things stop me because I look for perfection. I feel like I set my own limitations and refuse to move pass them to pretend I can't go any further. Creating own problems. Losing my voice. Wondering if I am capable of speaking. Of sharing my thoughts. My worries will always overwhelm my ideas. My Conscience will always be faster than my voice and in that split second I'm overtaken with worry with self doubt with the belief that I am wrong. Sometimes I wish my brain could work without me, sometimes I wish my impulse control was weak. I feel like it takes so much away from me and even though I would never want to change I feel held back. I want to blame society. I want to blame the unfair conducts which make me do things I don't want to do. I want to blame the people I reach out to and receive silence. I want help. I want advice. But I only have myself. I know I'm going to breakdown one day if I can't figure out how to grow. Want to prove myself and I want to meet my expectations. I don't have enough time. I don't have enough courage. I don't want to push myself even when it's sink or swim. The ability to raise my voice. I think and look back and it all seems so simple. So stupid yet when the moment comes why do I freeze? I think I'm capable I know I'm capable I just want to prove limitations to myself and to others. I complain to others in hopes they can help me or in hopes they will recognize my faults. Maybe it's a grab for attention when I feel everyone's eyes leave. I don't know, but how do I move past it. How do I act without care? Without impulse? Without consequence? How do I speak?
I cry to be heard. And I'm met with silence. I'm the only one who can help myself. But I can't help myself by thinking.
I dare you. Take a chance. Raise your voice. Once. That's all I ask. Meet the expectations or defy them just make sure your motive comes from a place of belief and purpose and not fear.
Can you think of one important thing that anybody said to you today that will matter to you in a year? I can't. Raise your voice with purpose and do not care if it is washed away in memories if it misses its mark. Always next time right.
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Diary Opened
Non-FictionInnermost thoughts and wonderings made public. In order to test the public and push the boundaries of the anonymous. Strong emotions and strong thoughts simply written down. Following a single story and the strongest most noteworthy point of stress...
