He was a little out of breath... he looked at me and said 'I love you Ariana... I mean it and I felt it all night, before this happened. You are perfect in every way possible.. I... I can't believe you're real.' Tears were streaming down my face...
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"It's OK to ask for help. It doesn't make you weak. It doesn't say anything negative about you. If anything, asking for help is wise. It demonstrates great courage. Things can be much easier with a little help from our friends. Sometimes, it helps to just vent our frustrations. Sometimes, it helps to just be heard. Sometimes, it makes all the difference to just know you are supported and loved. Never be afraid to reach out for help." ~ Akiroq Brost
Ariana's POV:
Wow... wow.............. wow. I am so grateful and blessed that Malcolm wrote all that down for me. I never could've done it. I'm nowhere near ready to relive what happened and there's a lot I don't remember. I was pretty much a zombie for the first week.
After we started planning the concert is when I started to somewhat feel like myself again. Feeling like I was really gonna help the families instead of feeling like I ruined their lives, was when I made the pivot towards healing. When talking to them at the hospitals and at the concert, they reassured me that their daughter or sister or son was at my concert because they loved me, they were fans and they wanted to see me. As sad as it was at times, the benefit concert was so healing and cathartic for everyone.
Try as they may, terror and hate will never win.
And Malcolm..... he could not have been anymore loving, supportive, awesome, funny, adorable, helpful and just the best boyfriend any girl could ask for. He read my mind the entire time. He knew exactly when I needed to talk, when I wanted to be quiet, when I needed to be held and when I just needed some space. We've always been able to know how the other is thinking and feeling without saying it... but he went even beyond that.
When we got back from the movie theater that Friday night, I jumped in the shower because the floor and armrests were kind of sticky- that creeps me out and made me remember why I hadn't gone to a movie theater in years.
While I was in there, I started thinking about how sweet and patient Malcolm had been with me the whole week. He didn't try to make one move on me even though it had been three weeks since we had sex. I asked him to get in the shower with me and he was so excited, like he couldn't believe it. His clothes were off in 2 seconds lol. I wasn't sure I was ready, but it's all about give and take. I know it probably wasn't easy for him to hold me and kiss me all week without anything more happening.
Just as I was saying about him reading my mind about my space and talking, etc.... he read my mind about this, too. I needed slow and gentle (which is the opposite of how we usually roll) and that's exactly what he did.
We were kissing.... leaned up against the shower wall, out of breath and all tangled up in each other. That felt sooo good.... I really wished I hadn't waited all week to be with him.
"You ok babe?" he said.
I smiled and said "mmmhmm... I really liked the way you... ummm... soaped me up there Mac."
