He was a little out of breath... he looked at me and said 'I love you Ariana... I mean it and I felt it all night, before this happened. You are perfect in every way possible.. I... I can't believe you're real.' Tears were streaming down my face...
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"It seems to me, that if we love, we grieve. That's the deal, that's the pact. Grief and love are forever intertwined... grief is the terrible reminder of the depths of our love. And, like love.... grief is non-negotiable."
~Nick Cave from "Letter to Cynthia"
Ariana's POV:
I knew Chris had to make more calls.... and that I had to somehow pull myself together and find out what happened. I closed my eyes and took some deep breaths. It didn't help.
Crying, I said "I'm... I'm.. I'm...oh my God Chris... oh my God.... Malcolm no... no... I can't... I don't even know what to think or feel right now.... what the fuck happened... why?.... I don't...."
He said "well... I don't know if you heard or not, but rehab didn't work. He came home and started drinking that night. At one of his court appearances he was given a surprise drug test and he was positive for weed and alcohol. That pissed the judge off and he ordered him to not drink or do drugs. He was good for a week, then I started to hear that he was scoring coke and drinking again. He just didn't seem to get it- that he could end up in jail if he didn't follow the stipulations of his bond. Or maybe he did get it... I don't know. Kelly and me were seriously starting to reconsider the tour. Warner got Sam back to keep an eye on him and were thinking about rehab again. But after the album release and his Hotel Cafe shows, he turned it around. I heard about a couple incidents, but he was busy and engaged and interacting with people, which is always a good sign. We hung out Tuesday afternoon, he was great. He was so full of himself, laughing... telling jokes. When he left, Kelly and me were like 'whew!'..... old Malcolm's back. We were so relieved we actually high fived each other. Then Sam told me today that Malcolm got fucked up that night and had to give him Naloxone. I don't get it Ari, he just went from one extreme to another... just like that."
Hearing that Malcolm was so happy during the day Tuesday broke the last tiny little piece of my heart that wasn't broken.
Chris said "Did you see Malcolm's tweet last night about the end of "So It Goes?"
I said "no."
Chris said "he deleted it 20 minutes later. Then he played the vinyl on an Insta story. It creeped me out enough to call him. I asked him if he was ok and told him he was scaring me. He sounded fine, he said it was one of his favorites from the album and he just wanted it to get some love. I asked him if Sam was there, he said he gave him the night off. I asked him why Mia wasn't there because she'd just done a story from her place. She was there earlier at his football get together, then later they all went over to Rocco's. She usually stays over. He said he had some stuff to do before the shoot today. I was gonna drive over but he sounded fine... dammit.. he totally convinced me he was fine. He had the video today and he's never, ever bailed or got too loaded to show up when something big like this was planned. I shoulda listened to my gut though Ari, I knew it was no good he was alone...Iknew it. Before we hung up though, I told him I loved him... he told me the same.... I'm so fuckin' glad we got to do that."
