Best Friends Brother

Chapter 34- cutting

I decided on eating I upstairs because I wasn't really going to eat it once I got in my room I binned the food and started doing sit ups to try and tone my body I sat on my bed and read through my comments

'Ugly' 'worthless' 'slut' 'whore' 'slag'

I ran in the bathroom and started cutting on my other arm I sat in their for an hour my eyes were puffy

I added in more makeup and my new cuts had just started to scab I looked normal I just looked dull I went on my phone Logan had tried to contact me

To Ariana:
Are you ok

To Ariana:
It says you've seen the message have I done something wrong

To Ariana:
I'll give you some space if it is me

To Ariana:
Remember I love you

Now Logan thinks I'm ignoring him I turn my phone of and sit their staring into space

Jake: can I come in

Ariana: yeah sure

I force a smile to come into my lips

Jake: I've been speaking to Erica and Tessa

What have they said what if they know

Jake: they have noticed that something is wrong with you as well as me

Ariana: I'm fine

Jake: I think I can guess what's wrong

Ariana: nothing is wrong

Jake: so if I tell you to take your jumper of will you

Ariana: I'm really cold

Jake: Ariana I'm your best friend

Ariana: I can't take my
Jumper of

Jake: whys that are you cutting again

I nod my head slowly

Jake: can I ask why

Ariana: the haters caught me into their trap again

Jake: is that why you have been working out extra hard

Ariana: yeah

Jake: and is that why you haven't eaten

Ariana: yeah

Jake: do you want to get help

Ariana: no

Jake: you need it

Ariana: can you come with me

Jake: yeah course I can

Ariana: don't tell anyone

Jake: what about Logan

Ariana: he'll leave me

Jake: Logan cares about you to much not to

Ariana: I know I'll talk to him in my own time

Jake: remember your more buff than me

I let out a smile laugh it felt good to laugh to smile again

Ariana: how did Tessa and Erica know

Jake: they saw your arm

Ariana: I'm not comfortable showing you

Jake: that's fine

Ariana: thanks Jake

Jake: come on let's go get some food

Ariana: I'll do it just for you

I sat down the stairs I smiled at Tessa and Erica and they nodded I nodded back telling them I'm now fine

I messaged Logan whilst Jake made me some food

To Logan:
I'll speak to you when I next see you it has nothing to do with you babe I absolutely love you

To Ariana:
Can I come to the team 10 house

To Logan:
Yeah but can you not vlog when you get here

To Ariana;
Yeah of course anything for you babe

To Logan:
I love you

To Ariana:
I love you to

Ariana: Logan's coming round so I can speak to him

Jake: ok I've book theropy we go tomorrow morning at 10:00

Ariana: thanks Jake

Jake: anything for you

We are it was around 7;00 when Logan arrived

Ariana: let's go speak in the garden

Logan: ok

We asked our and sat in the sofa out their

Ariana: so I've been getting a lot of hate recently and I don't know why but it got to me

Logan: ok

Ariana: I returned into my old habits working out extra hard doing what ever way to make me skinny and .....

Logan: and what babe

Ariana: and cut Jake is getting me theropy lessons

Logan: omg

Ariana: I'm sorry please don't leave me

Logan: what I wouldn't leave you

Ariana: I'm sorry I'm going to change

Logan: your beautiful your amazing I wouldn't exchange you do anybody even shay Mitchell

Ariana: shay Mitchell is dope

Logan: yeah shay Mitchell is dope but your doper

Ariana: well I'm going to go make a sit down video for my channel explaining the cutting

Logan: ok I'm going to head home

I went upstairs and sat down setting up my cameras and oughts ready to film

Hi this isn't a vlog it's a bit of a story time 3 years ago I was just starting out on YouTube I was really fat then and I got hate for it I used to cut that triggered me I wouldn't eat I would work out when I had spare time I would shut everyone out and that happened today the hate got me and I don't know why it's never got me like that well it did 3 years ago Jake being the best human alive helped me we are getting theropy to help me and I'm going to be dabbing on those haters like Jake said

I showed my cuts and tears started rolling down my Eyes

I know most of you are good their is lots of you who hate me for me I can't change that I have tried to change that and to please everybody but that's not me I'm not perfect and I'll never be thanks guys carry on hating I'll be back vlogging tomorrow blocking out all of you well trying to thanks for watching love you bye

I edited the video tears streaming down my face whilst editing why do I do this to myself once I finished editing I uploaded it

I then went to speak to Erica and Tessa

Ariana: thank you guys

Erica: what for

Ariana : if you didn't notice I'd be sat in my bathroom trying to hurt myself

Tessa: do you want to do it now

Ariana: if I'm being honest I'd cut right now I'm trying to ignore that voice in my head

Tessa and Erica told me that I was going to be sleeping in their room so they can watch me

I set my alarm ready for tomorrow I was going to wake up at 7:00 so I can shower

I finally drifted of to sleep to Erica a vlog playing in the back ground