The Diary of a Fallen Girl

explicit

It's an unfamiliar feeling, the trembling of hands and skipping of heartbeats. It's like your warmth counteracts the numbness in my soul and they battle relentlessly. That is what you and I shall be.

A battle.

One day, you ask me what I want you to do to me, explicitly and carefully. So it begins, the details of every way in which want you.

I want you to burn it away; the numbness and the pain. Slowly. Take it all away, piece by piece, until I am raw and broken in front of you. You shall have me naked, in any way you'd like, for every atom belonging to me as good, belongs to you as better.

I want to be completely helpless against you, just to know that you are the bearer of all destruction, yet you never destruct. I want you to juggle my glass heart in your hands, but never drop it. I want security from your power.

I want you to smile tiny words and make my hands tremble with uncertainty. I want your arms around me for the first time, so I can discover new colors and you can discover new feelings. I want you to know how fast my jet black heart beats when your skin brushes against mine.

I want your midnight talks and messy emotions. I want your craziness and then your universe and everything in between. I want your hands to cup mine and reassure me with every heartbeat.

I want you to linger an inch away from my face and bare me in your eyes, running a light finger along the arch of my lips. I want you to do this until I cannot handle it anymore, until my ribs feel empty and full from constricting to mould against your heart.

I want you to terrify me the moment you lean in. I want my mind to be a place of darkness and horror so you will understand me in my purest form. I want your hands around my waist and your heart to synchronize with the beat of mine as you discover me in a parallel dimension, as your lips meet mine, softly and doubtfully. I want doubt. I want caution. I want hesitance.

Then, I want chaos.

I want you to kiss me slowly, without breaking the lines. Be it deep and hungry or light and softly. I want you to kiss me.

I want your fingers to discover their place in my hair, bodies moulding and hands discovering every curve of my love. As your eyes are closed and your lips are on mine, I want you to rediscover me.

I want you to forget what you know of who I am as a person, and recreate my murky soul through the feel of my lips. My personality can be faked, but my passion for you cannot. I want you to feel it in your veins and in your breath and in your head, pounding against the walls of your mind and driving you as insane as you make me feel.

Finally, I want for you to be in love with me before we ever touch. I want for you to still want me, even if there are no longer any explicit details of what I need from you.

I want for you to love me, and I want for you to do it recklessly.