Swords of the Soul

Despise

Why did the sun have to shine so bright today. I would usually love it, but today didn't care for it at all. I've been feeling sick at times ever since that day last week.
I killed them... I helped kill my Guild.
I'm a monster.
I know what Akihiko would say.
"It had do be done," he would say.
It had to be done, but why did it have to be my Guild who were killers? Why did it have to be my Guild that had to die?
Something else also happens almost every day, and it's making me feel horrible. I hate it. And I want to say I hate them.
But I can't... they're-
"Stop thinking like that, Shira."
The black-haired Alixen. I closed my eyes. "I see... so now it is for certain that my ghosts will continue to haunt me."
He stood behind me, walking towards me. "... Shira," he said finally, "what is it with you? Who are you? Why are you so angry about this? And I mean more than mostly everyone else trapped here."
I stiffened as I felt him stop very close behind me. I clenched my fists. "... I don't know," I whispered.
He leaned his head over my left shoulder, whispering right into my ear. "Why are you who you are...?"
"I don't know..."
"You do know."
I felt like a stone statue, plus feeling completely hollow inside. "... I do," I whispered.
He smirked next to my ear. "I thought you did..." he put a hand on my right shoulder. "Now Shira, listen here," his tone had changed slightly. "You are not worthless; you are important. You are not unloved; just ask Dealan."

Dealan...

My thoughts started whispering as I continued to listen to him. "It's not your fault we died; it was our choice from the beggining. You did nothing to cause this... we would have been brought down anyways. But I'm glad it was you, Shiramane. I wouldn't have been happy in the end any other way. And Shira... nothing is impossible; not for you. You will beat this game and set us free."
Was he... sad? I turned my head and looked at him. He met my eyes and disappeared.
"Don't think like that... Shira..."
I walked to my bed, plopping down on the edge with no feeling.

Why me...? Why am I haunted by my ghosts like this...?

"You're not going to continue to think like that, are you? Shima..."
I tensed again. Not because they were a killer, which they weren't. I tensed because of who they were. "M... Markal..." I leat him lying on my bed behind me.
He gave me a warm smile. "You think we're ghosts? Well, I guess that's one way to look at it. But listen here now," he sat up and moved to sit on my right. "What's the thing you love mist in the world?"
I thought hard. It used to be my father.
"Well, if it's no longer your father, who is it?" He asked.

Damn. He read my mind.

I looked at him and he gave a large grin. I looked away. "... my mother."
"What's her name?"
"Mary."
"Thats a lovely name for your mother." He said.
I nodded slowly. "Yeah..."
He put an arm around me. "Listen here, child..." he sighed. "Be careful of the decisions you make," his voice shook. "You never know what they could lead to. They could change your life forever. Or lead to those you love... getting hurt..."
I looked at him to find his large eyes holding big tears, gently rolling down his face and plopping onto his glasses. "M... Markal...?"
"Shira... please be careful..."
I wrapped my arms around him, hugging him as he jerked with tears.

My Guild leader...

He smiled. "And I always will be, I hope..." he disappeared.
I closed my eyes abd slowly moved my arms to hug myself. I know that I shouldn't think about him. And no matter how hard I tried, it barely worked. My thoughts of him finally slipped through.

D... Diabel...

I started shaking, breath weak as I recalled my failure.

I-I'm so sorry... Diabel... Diabel, I-

"Who in the hell of Aincrad is Diabel?!"
I immediately froze. Why did he have to be the one to hear me then?
"Is he an idiot? He did something stupid, didn't he?"
"No... he did something very brave..." I replied.
"How did you fail him?"
"I couldn't help him... when I thought he needed it most. And when I thought I could most..."
"Ohhh, I get it! He died, didn't he?!" They yelled. "They were dumb enough to go and die!! Wow, that's kinda funny if you think about it. How the hell did he die?"
I couldn't feel anymore. I drew my sword and gripped it tightly. How could he say such things about Diabel? My childhood friend!!! I turned and glared at Lewin, full of fire. I got up and raised my sword. "Shut up! You don't get it!! You necer could!! Why did you DO THAT?!" I screamed, eyes closed tight and swinging my sword down. There wash a smash as my bed was cut in half roughly. Lewin had disappeared and my bed shattered into blue pieces.
"To remind you of who you are and of your place." I could hear him scowling. "This isn't you, Shiramane. Be strong. Be who the hell we all want you to be. Free us." His voice faded.
After a few moments, my sword disappeared to my inventory, and I dropped to my knees.

I despise Akihiko Kayaba.

"I despise Akihiko Kayaba."

I despise Akihiko Kayaba.

"I despise Akihiko Kayaba."

I despise Akihiko Kayaba...

"I despise you, Akihiko Kayaba."
Alixen's words echoed into my mind.

'Who are you?'

A Beater.